Could someone please review my thesis statement? Any suggestions how to make it better?
Anne Frank's family experienced two years of extreme hardship during the Holocaust in hiding as a Jewish family, they were captured and sent to a concentration camp called Auschwitz. The only living member of the Frank family to survive was Otto Frank.
This will or won't make sense to me only if I can see the outline or plan you have written for the rest of your paper.
Post it here, please.
Thanks for the advice Writeacher! I really appreciate it :-)
You're welcome!
Well, first of all, that's not a thesis statement because you're not taking a stand on an issue that is arguable.
Anyway, since the rest is all simply factual, it's probably okay.
The only thing I'd correct in there is a comma splice — where you are using a comma instead of a period and capital letter between two sentences.
To review and suggest improvements for your thesis statement, let's break it down into its different components.
1. Topic: Anne Frank's family and their experience during the Holocaust.
2. Main Claim: The family faced extreme hardship while in hiding and were eventually captured and sent to Auschwitz.
3. Supporting claim: Otto Frank was the only surviving member of the Frank family.
Based on this breakdown, here are a few suggestions to improve your thesis statement:
1. Condense the statement: To make it more concise and focused, consider combining your main claim and the supporting claim into a single sentence. For example:
"During the Holocaust, Anne Frank’s family endured two years of hiding in extreme hardship before being captured and sent to Auschwitz, resulting in the survival of only Otto Frank."
2. Provide more context: Although your thesis statement provides a basic overview, you could add more details to give the reader a better understanding of the topic. Consider mentioning the significance of the family's diary, the date range of their hiding period, or the specific circumstances that led to their capture. For example:
"Between 1942 and 1944, Anne Frank’s family endured two years of severe isolation and fear in hiding before being discovered by the Nazis and sent to Auschwitz. Tragically, only Otto Frank survived to tell their story, which is now immortalized in Anne Frank's Diary".
Remember, your thesis statement serves as an introduction to your essay and should be clear, concise, and capture the main points you will discuss.