Can someone please go over this introduction my prompt is an argumentive essay about why driverless cars are good for society. I usually do great on my introduction but for some reason am struggling with this one. Give me advice on how to better it or if it fits. I am in a 10th-grade ap class. Thank you!
Driverless cars have become the talk of the technology industry whether or not they are good or bad for society. Driverless cars are in fact good for society. The first driverless car was invented in 1939 by a man named Norman Bel Geddes, since then thousands of prototypes have been created and have helped improve errors within the car technology. Driverless cars improve the safety of everyone on the streets, they eliminate human error and help disabled people and seniors. Driverless cars are necessary for the fast advancement of the technology world.
I'd fix these things:
1. Too many sentences begin with "Driverless cars" — rephrase many so there's variety.
2. I'd combine sentences 1 and 2 so there's not so much repetition — but don't create a run-on!
3. This is a run-on: "Driverless cars improve the safety of everyone on the streets, they eliminate human error and help disabled people and seniors."
4. How are "people" and "seniors" different? Seniors in high school? Senior citizens? In either case, aren't "seniors" also "people"?
5. In the last sentence, you've used a noun ("technology") as an adjective. What is the adjective form of that noun?
Your introduction provides a good starting point for your essay on why driverless cars are good for society. However, there are a few suggestions to help you make it even stronger:
1. Grab the reader's attention: Begin with a compelling opening sentence that will capture the reader's interest and make them want to continue reading. For example, you could start with an interesting statistic, a thought-provoking question, or a relevant anecdote.
2. Provide context: After grabbing the reader's attention, provide a brief background or context on driverless cars. Explain what they are, how they work, and their current status or development. This will ensure that all readers, even those who are not familiar with the topic, understand the fundamentals.
3. Present a clear thesis statement: State your argument clearly and concisely in a thesis statement. This thesis statement should reflect your viewpoint on why driverless cars are good for society. Make sure it is specific and argumentative, as this will guide the rest of your essay.
4. Use a smooth transition: Instead of abruptly moving from the general topic to the specific benefits of driverless cars, use a smooth transition sentence to bridge the gap. You could briefly mention some opposing viewpoints or concerns about driverless cars, acknowledging that there is ongoing debate, before affirming your thesis.
5. Review and revise: Once you have made these changes, take the time to review and revise your introduction. Consider the flow of your ideas, the clarity of your language, and whether the introduction effectively sets the stage for the rest of your essay.
Here's an example of a revised introduction incorporating these suggestions:
"Imagine a world where cars drive themselves, safely navigating streets while passengers relax, read, or catch up on work. This is the future promised by driverless cars, a technology that has garnered both excitement and skepticism. However, it is my firm belief that driverless cars are not only a revolutionary advancement in the technology industry but also a positive force for society. From the first driverless car prototype in 1939 to the countless improvements made since, the safety enhancements, elimination of human error, and increased accessibility for disabled individuals and seniors demonstrate the undeniable benefits of driverless cars. As we delve into this essay, it becomes clear that driverless cars are not just an option but a necessity for the rapid progress of our technological world."