Do you get your health insurance through your employer? If so, then keep the sentence, but make it personal to you. You could make that last sentence (after it's edited) be your conclusion, or at least part of it.
I get my health insurance through the NYS marketplace. My job does offer health insurance but only to full-time employees (How could I add this in? ) Also, do I need to make another paragraph for my conclusion?
Such as Taking care of yourself through proper diet and exercise may help reduce the risk of being sick. You can also take a look at your health insurance plan to find out more information on how to get started in the right direction.
I thank you so much for your help
I get my health insurance through the NYS marketplace. My job does offer health insurance, but only to full-time employees.
Yes, add this in where you now have info about getting insurance through your employer.
Also, do I need to make another paragraph for my conclusion?
Yes.
Taking care of yourself through proper diet and exercise may help reduce the risk of being sick. You can also take a look at your health insurance plan to find out more information on how to get started in the right direction.
This is good if you change all those "you" references to I, my, etc. Remember: the question is what YOU will do as a result of your studies in this area.
Yes, you can definitely add the information about your job only offering health insurance to full-time employees. It could be included in a separate sentence or paragraph. For example, you could say: "In addition to having health insurance through the NYS marketplace, my job also offers health insurance, but it is limited to full-time employees."
As for your conclusion, it looks like you are summarizing the importance of taking care of yourself and suggesting that individuals review their health insurance plans for further guidance. It's a great way to end your explanation. You can keep it as a single paragraph or add another concluding statement if you prefer.
Here's a revised version that incorporates the additional information and the conclusion:
"I get my health insurance through the NYS marketplace. In addition to that, my job also offers health insurance, but it is only available to full-time employees. Taking care of yourself through proper diet and exercise is crucial for reducing the risk of illnesses. It's also beneficial to review your health insurance plan for more information on how to take the right steps towards maintaining your health."
You're welcome! I'm here to help with any further questions you may have.