scholarship essay

This is for a scholarship the topic is "Why do you deserve to win this scholarship?" I am hoping that someone can proofread this and also give any tips for improvement. In addition, the essay has to be under 250 words.

I believe that I deserve this scholarship because I am a hard working person. Throughout my life, I have faced multiple obstacles that I have not let hold me back. I am the first person in my family to not only go to college but also graduate high school. This was not an easy task for me as it would be for other high school students. When I was four years old, my mother died of breast cancer just eight short years later my father passed from a heart attack. At this time, I was put into foster care. Due to this unfortunate event, as soon as I was able to get a job I had to do so. For those that do not know when you are in foster care as soon as you turn 18 or graduate you are on your own. I had to work and save all the money I could so that I had something to live off when I graduated. I did not have a high GPA while in high school; however, I worked as hard as I could to keep my grades up and make sure I have plenty of money to live off. I am now in college and I still work my off to get the best grades I can.

  1. 👍
  2. 👎
  3. 👁
  1. Read and use the ideas in MANY of these articles:

    You MUST make yourself stand out. Simply saying you deserve the money is not going to work. Saying that you didn't have a high GPA will not work. Use ideas in the search results above, and try again please.

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
  2. I agree. I for several years was a reader for these. Yours would not stand out.

    Scholarships are given to those who show academic promise, and need the money.
    Colleges are looking for winners, and those who have shown potential or past success in community leadership and endeavors.
    The final sentence, about your , is a very large negative for your essay. That is not a word from a winner.

    Think on this:
    What have you done for others?
    How did you fare with your previous courses (remember, many, many students get A's these days). Has any of your teachers written letters on your behalf?
    What do you intend to do with our life, and how does this scholarship fit into that goal? Caution here: Do not say you are interested in getting rich or famous.

    Do mention what you said about first person to go to college, and graduate high school, but state why that is important to your extended family, as in role model for others.

    and, finally, remember 250 words is just a few words, so choose your words carefully. Short sentences, not vernacular, and certainly no reference to your body parts.

    A very strong last sentence is important, as the reader is at that point deciding which pile your essay belongs in.

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
  3. Thank you I will try again and repost.

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
  4. What makes me deserving of this scholarship is my dedication to succeed, my work ethic, and leadership skills. Throughout my years in school I have always been recognized as a person that loves to be the best. People all over the world have dreams that never come true. One reason for that is that they give up on it so easily. I was raised to never give up, always strive to move forward to overcome those dreams. That’s just the mentality that I have for myself and my future. There is many times where I could have given up on my dreams because of the bumpy roads but I chose not to. I want to be the first male to attend college in my family. That is a big obstacle for me to overcome because it is right there in my face. I want to attend college and major in business and marketing and minor in physical education. I want to open up a recreation center for kids in the community. I’m a person that always wants to give back. Kids need a place to go after school to stay out of trouble. I also want to have multiple sports teams so that the kids can have fun and experience something that they might want to do all there life. My willingness to help the community while pursuing furthering my education will indicate my work ethic and leadership to society.

    1. 👍
    2. 👎
  5. I am so late but did you get it?

    1. 👍
    2. 👎

Respond to this Question

First Name

Your Response

Similar Questions

  1. History

    Why were products, ideas, and technologies exchanged in Alexandria? A. Learning and scholarship was prohibited there. B. It was said to be the place where the Greek gods lived. C. It was the center of trade for Europe, Africa, and

  2. English

    Which sentence is preferable? A. One of the students at the school has given up her scholarship. B. One of the students at the school has given up their scholarship. C. One of the students at the school has given up a scholarship.

  3. Math

    You are the administrator of an annual essay contest scholarship fund. This year a $88,200 college scholarship is being divided between the top two contestants so that the winner receives six times as much as the runner-up. How

  4. Social Studies

    Which of the following is an example of someone demonstrating a democratic value? A) Mike receives a promotion at his job for his hard work and dedication. B) Lisa places a sign of a current political candidate in her front yard.

  1. english

    Select the abbreviation that tells how the italicized noun clause is used. S-subject, DO-direct object, SC-subject complement, OP-object of preposition (What I wanted to do) was to finish my work. S The valedictory prize will be

  2. english/11th grade

    I'm supposed to choose how the italicized noun clause is used. Not so sure about the different types of noun clauses.. can someone help me? & also kinda explain the difference? 1. The chairman heard [what was said about the

  3. Statistics

    The probability that Samantha will be accepted by the college of her choice and obtain a scholarship is 0.35. If the probability that she is accepted by the college is 0.65, find the probability that she will obtain a scholarship

  4. calculus

    a university alumni group wishes to provide an annual scholarship in the amount of 1500 beginning next year. if the scholarship fund will earn an interest rate of 8%/year compounded continuously, find the amount of the endowment

  1. grammar

    revise the following sentences to eliminate faulty sentence structure, making them clear and grammatically need help with the following sentences: An effective Web site is well designed, provides useful information, and links are

  2. math

    You are the administrator of an annual essay contest scholarship fund. This year a $75,000 college scholarship is being divided between the top two contestants so that the winner receives four times as much as the runner-up. How

  3. band essay?

    I have to write an essay on why I deserve a scholarship for our band class trip to Puerto Rico, I was wondering what English teachers would be looking at/for in this essay and how long it should roughly be

  4. grammar

    need help with this one : 2. To enroll in film school being my primary goal, so I am always saving my money and watching for scholarship opportunities.

You can view more similar questions or ask a new question.