please help me if my letter is correct in the grammar.
kindly help me to make a good letter.
march,21,2011
subject:sales commission
to: THE MANAGER
DEAR SIR,
SIR,I AM WRITING YOU DUE TO NEXT WILL BE MY ANNUAL VACATION AND I WOULD LIKE TO ASK A FAVORABLE REQUEST REGARDING MY SALES COMMISSION FROM THE MONTH OF OCT.2010.I AM SHORTAGE OF FINANCIALLY AND MY FAMILY HAS NO INCOME IN THE PHILIPPINES.I AM GOING ON VACATION ALTHOUGH I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO BRING BECAUSE MY FAMILY IS LONGING AND MISSING MEAND SOME IMPORTANT MATTERS NEEDED MY PERSONAL APPEARANCE.SIR,KINDLY PLEASE I REALLY NEED YOUR HELP IN ORDER TO RELEASE THE COMMISSION FROM THE MONTH OF OCT.2010.I HAVE NOT RECEIVED A COMMISSION FROM THE MONTH OF OCT.2011.I HOPE THAT YOU WILL HELP REGARDING THIS MATTER.IT WOULD BE A GREAT GRATITUDE AND I APPRECIATE YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR KIND HELP AND CONSIDERATION.
THANK YOU AND EST REGARDS.
JESSIE
SALESMAN
First of all, please retype that using correct English capitalization and punctuation. Then I'll read it for you.
Using all-caps is unacceptable -- online and in business.
Agreed. I did not read past the first few words because of that.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you regarding my sales commission from the month of October 2010. I have a financial shortage and my family has no income in the Philippines. As my annual vacation is approaching, I am going despite not having enough money to bring with me because my family is longing and missing me, and there are some important matters that require my personal appearance.
Sir, I kindly request your help in releasing the commission from October 2010. I have not received any commission for that month and I really need your assistance. Your help in this matter would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you very much for your kind help and consideration.
Thank you and best regards,
Jessie
Salesman
To improve this letter, here are some suggestions:
1. Structure your letter properly: Start with the appropriate date, followed by a subject line, and then address the recipient properly. Use a proper salutation like "Dear Sir/Madam" or the specific recipient's name.
2. Use proper punctuation: Make sure to use commas, full stops, and capital letters appropriately. For example, "Dear Sir," should have a comma after it.
3. Be clear and concise: Clearly state your request and the reason behind it. Avoid unnecessary details or repetition. Break your message into paragraphs for better readability.
4. Use polite language: Use polite phrases like "kindly request" and "would greatly appreciate." Show gratitude for their help and consideration.
5. Proofread for grammar and spelling errors: Check for any grammar or spelling mistakes. A well-written and error-free letter looks more professional.
Remember, it's always a good idea to proofread your letter before sending it to ensure it is clear, concise, and grammatically correct.