for english class i have to write a poem personifying something. I chose to personify a picture in a picture frame. I am not at all good at poems and was wondering if you guys could read mine and tell me what changed i should make and if its really bad and i should just start over :/ lol
~Picture in a Picture Frame~
Oh, picture in a picture frame.
How you write us a story with just a few simple colors and shapes.
You can replay a story that happened many years ago
You can breathe life into a still photo.
On a desk,on a table, on a mantle, whereever you are and wereever you go You write a beautiful story, a song, a play, or a novel.
Your worth a thousand words.
Oh, picture in a picture frame.
If I were you, I'd first try to find some pattern of rhythm to follow. I wouldn't worry about rhyme, but rhythm will help a great deal.
Here's something to consider: Your first line is in iambic tetrameter. That is there are 8 syllables arranged in 4 iambic "feet." An iambic foot is 2 syllables with the stress on the second one. Say this line aloud, and say the all-caps syllable louder than the lower-case syllable in each pair:
da-DA da-DA da-DA da-DA
Now say this aloud:
Oh picture in a picture frame
They match in rhythm, right? That's what I mean by an iambic tetrameter line.
Now work on making all the other lines in your poem into either iambic tetrameter like the first one or alternating iambic tetrameter (8 syllables) with iambic pentameter (10 syllables).
You'll need to lengthen some lines and shorten others; you'll also need to divide some of your lines into 2 or 3 shorter lines.
Once you get the rhythm and wording right, you can work on spelling and such. Don't worry about that stuff now!
PS -- Here's a good website about meter and rhythm:
http://www2.one-eyed-alien.net/~ayelton/Writing/meter.html
I tried the iambic tetrameter type but i just couldn't find good enough words. But, i did try to make it follow a patttern(with each sentence starting with you and then a verb.
Do you think it is better written now?
Oh, picture in a picture frame.
You write a story with just colors and shapes
You replay an event that happened many years ago
You breathe life into a still photo.
You help me revisit an old memory
You expose a new adventure
You change the mood of the room you occupy
Oh, picture in a picture frame.
Oh, picture in a picture frame,
How you weave tales with colors and shapes so plain.
Reliving moments from years gone by,
Breathing life into a frozen sky.
On a desk or table, on a mantle's embrace,
You spin beautiful stories in every place.
A song, a play, a novel you hold,
Worth a thousand words untold.
Oh, picture in a picture frame.
Overall, your poem is a good start! However, here are a few suggestions to make it even better:
1. Consider adding more descriptive imagery: Try to incorporate vivid imagery to help your readers visualize what the picture in the frame looks like and how it makes them feel. For example, instead of just mentioning "simple colors and shapes," you can specify what they are and evoke emotions associated with them.
2. Vary your sentence structure: While the repetition of the phrase "Oh, picture in a picture frame" can create a nice rhythm, it's also good to vary your sentence structure to add more depth and flow to your poem. Experiment with different sentence lengths and structures to keep your readers engaged.
3. Explore the theme of nostalgia: Since you mentioned that the picture can replay a story from long ago, consider expanding on the theme of nostalgia. Explore how the picture in the frame captures memories and emotions, invoking a longing for the past.
4. Focus on the personification: Remember that you are personifying the picture, so try to incorporate traits or actions that humanize it. This will strengthen the connection between the reader and the subject of your poem.
Remember, writing poetry is a creative endeavor, and there are no right or wrong answers. Don't be afraid to experiment, revise, and express yourself authentically. Good luck with your English class!