Read the following excerpt from a student’s analytical essay.
Right away, it is pretty obvious that the Looking-Glass land is different from the real world, because Alice sees a clock with a face and there are living chess pieces walking around.
Which is the best revision of this informal sentence?
The strangeness of the Looking-Glass world is immediately made known when Alice sees a clock with a living face and chess pieces that move around the room independently.
The Looking-Glass land that Alice steps into is way different from the real world, where we do not have things like living clocks and living chess pieces.
Even though the Looking-Glass land is really unusual, I would not mind going there myself to see things like clocks and chess pieces that are actually alive and kicking.
From the beginning, Alice is pretty brave about all the strange stuff she sees in the Looking-Glass land, and she is not at all bothered by the living clock and the living chess pieces.
The best revision of this informal sentence is:
The strangeness of the Looking-Glass world is immediately made known when Alice sees a clock with a living face and chess pieces that move around the room independently.
The best revision of the informal sentence is:
The strangeness of the Looking-Glass world is immediately made known when Alice sees a clock with a living face and chess pieces that move around the room independently.
The best revision of this informal sentence is:
The strangeness of the Looking-Glass world is immediately made known when Alice sees a clock with a living face and chess pieces that move around the room independently.
To determine the best revision, we need to consider the clarity and formal tone of the sentence. The original sentence is informal and lacks clarity and precision. The correct revision addresses these issues by using clear language and a formal tone. It avoids unnecessary personal commentary and focuses on the main point, which is the difference between the Looking-Glass world and the real world.