Before I turn this in, I would like some helpful feedback and see your opinion on if you think this is good or not. The directions for this paragraph were, "Write a paragraph of statements that use these questions to determine the content of your paragraph. If your paragraph has the question and then the answer it could lose up to 2 points because that is not answering in paragraph form. Just put the answers for the paragraph.
Use complete sentences and no text speak. Describe the space you have created. (You may upload your drawing if you want to)
--What is the title for the public space?--What is your purpose for this space?--What mood is evoked by the colors you chose for your public space?--How do you think people spending time in your public space would feel? Why?" I feel like I answered all of the questions very well, and provided a good amount of detail without going overboard. Here is my paragraph;
"The name of my public space is called The Equality Corner. The purpose of The Equality corner is to have a safe space for LGBTQIA+ people to come meet new people, learn about LGBT+ history, participate in fun activities, and to establish fundraisers to help and raise awareness to kids that have been kicked out of their homes for coming out. Some of the moods I want to evoke onto the people who join using colors for my space are joy, comfort, content, and respected. One thing I want to ensure with my space is that there should be enough space for activities. some of these activities include, arts and crafts, dances, gardening, team building exercises, and discussion circles. One thing I want for The Equality Corner is for it to be ecofriendly. Some things that can help this place be more ecofriendly are, put more recycling bins than trashcans, providing or have people bring their own reusable water bottles and straws, cut down on unnecessary plastic use, have a composting bin that can be used for the plants, use solar panels to cut down the electricity bill, and more. I want people who come to my public space to feel like you're being hugged by someone who will support you unconditionally and always be there to help you no matter what. I want people who visit my public space to feel like they can just be themselves and no one will judge, they should feel like they could tell someone everything and not have it be used to stab you in the back, they should feel like they can help people and have more of an impact and that it actually gave them a voice that matters."
Sorry this is very long.
Yes, it's long, and there are some words and phrases you can omit — mostly because they're obvious. Here's an example:
"The name of my public space is called The Equality Corner. The purpose of The Equality corner is to have a safe space for LGBTQIA+ people to come meet new people, learn about LGBT+ history, participate in fun activities, and to establish fundraisers to help and raise awareness to kids that have been kicked out of their homes for coming out."
The Equality Corner will be established for LGBTQIA+ people to have a safe space to come meet new people, learn about LGBT+ history, participate in fun activities, and establish fundraisers to help kids who have been kicked out of their homes for coming out.
Read both out loud. Can you hear the difference? The revised part should sound smoother — no needless repetition, fewer words, but saying the same things.
Try this is the rest of your paper — try this 1 or 2 sentences at a time. Let me know what you come up with.