how can i put this in a much better sentence?

Their acquaintance starts off unpleasantly but Elizabeth’s personality catches Mr. Darcy’s heart and finds himself attracted to her.

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  1. More concise language and construction. Try something like this:

    Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's acquaintance starts off pleasantly, but soon Mr. Darcy finds himself strongly attracted to Elizabeth because of her ____ personality.

    (You determine the adjective you want to put in before "personality.")

  2. [Well, that's not much more concise, but the clauses and phrases are less flip-floppy all over the place!]

  3. I think it's NICE .

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    posted by justine

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