Please check my Health/English to see if it is better or need to do more work on it. Thank YOU
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Please check if its better and could you suggest a Title, Thank YOU
Need an introductory sentence. From 1950 to 1959comma scientific researchers were studying Hepatitis B (HB) virus and some others for vaccines. They The vaccines were prepared by growing the virus in contaminated chimpanzees and shipped it from Africa to NYC Spell out when using it the first time..
Use a new paragraph to indicate a change in ideas, persons, times or places.
It is believed that AIDS originated from these contaminated vaccines. These experimental vaccines were administrated to homosexuals in New York City and black men in Africa in from 1974 to 1975. By 1981Comma homosexuals were dying of pneumoniaComma and doctors revealed that all has Keep tenses the same, "had." the same infections. The theory was that the infection had to do with only homosexuals.
Suddenly, this disease was spreading too fast. It was worrying the scientist's scientific? community. Other countries start to testing the people for possible infections of this kind. This was going global, and panic was arising among the population. This was a contagious disease. Ppeople were afraid of the unknown. There were many myths such as: getting infected with AIDS through kissing, touching or anything that came to mind. By this timeComma the scientists noticed the incubation for the virus was from seven to ten years.
While Use capital.president Reagan was in office, he was told about AIDS and its consequences but never said a word about it to the people. In 1987, President Reagan called AIDS Capitalize full name terms too.(acquired immune deficiency syndrome)"public enemy number one" and later in 1990 apologized for not given the attention, importance and for not alerting the country of the magnitude of the epidemic while he was president. Preceding sentence too long. Break into two sentences.
IN an article written by Leonard G. Horowitz, D.M.D., I know what MD means, but I have never heard of a DMD. It needs explanation unless it is a typo. said that AIDS is undoubtedly "man made." Meaning a scientic mistake,induced negligently, not intentionly or were not aware of the fanger for not taking the adequate precautions,phycians would take blood from chimpanzees and then inject back to humans with infected serum samples. Again sentence too long and with typos. Later, it was given to human subjects in NYC and sub-Saharan Africans. So, this would be the best explanation to the origin of HIV/AIDS.
However, there are other theory's Sp such as; that it was released intentionally, CIA was involved and political interest. Elaboration needed with these other theories. Where is your concluding sentence?
A possible title could be "The Origin of AIDS."
In the future, if nobody is available to proofread your work, you can do this yourself. After writing your material, put it aside for a day — at least several hours. (This breaks mental sets you might have that keep you from noticing problems.) Then read it aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. (Reading aloud slows down your reading, so you are less likely to skip over problems.)
If your reading goes smoothly, that is fine. However, wherever you "stumble" in your reading, other persons are likely to have a problem in reading your material. Those "stumbles" indicate areas that need revising.
Once you have made your revisions, repeat the process above. Good papers often require many drafts.
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Please check if its better and could you suggest a Title, Thank YOU
Suggested title : The Early history of AIDS
Between 1950 to 1959, scientific researchers were studing Hepatitis B (HB) virus and others for the purpose of making vaccines. These vaccines were prepared by growing the virus in contaminated chimpanzees and and then shipping the vaccine from Africa to NYC. It is believed that AIDS originated from these contaminated vaccines. In 1974 and 1975, these experimental vaccines were administrated to two groups of individuals : homosexuals in New York City and black men in Africa . By 1981 homosexuals were dying of pneumonia and doctors found that all had the same infections. Therefore, the theory became that the infection was limited to homosexuals.
Suddenly, this disease was spreading through other parts of the community. This worried the scientifici community. Other countries began testing people for possible similar infections . The infection was becoming of global concern, and as this contagious disease was previously unknown, people became afraid. Many myths developed: ie. getting infected with AIDS through kissing, touching or random exposure. However, by this time the scientists discovered the incubation for the virus was from seven to ten years. This discovery put a different perspective on the methods of contagion.
Early in President Reagan's tenure in office, he was told about AIDS and its consequences. In 1987, President Reagan called AIDS(acquired immune deficiency syndrome)"public enemy number one" and later in 1990 apologized for not giving this epidemic the attention and importance needed and for not alerting the country to the magnitude of the epidemic while he was president.
In an article ,Leonard G. Horowitz, D.M.D., said that AIDS is undoubtedly "man made." By this Horowitz meant that AIDS was a scientific mistake,induced negligently, not intentionally. Scientists had not been aware of the danger and did not take adequate precautions. Physicians would take blood from chimpanzees and then inject humans with infected serum samples. Later, it was given to human subjects in NYC and sub-Saharan Africans. Although there are other theories, this proposal would be the best explanation as to the origin of HIV/AIDS.
The revised essay is much improved. The flow of ideas is clearer, and the grammar and punctuation have been corrected. The essay now has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are well-supported. The suggested title, "The Early History of AIDS," accurately reflects the content of the essay.
To further improve your writing, you can follow a few additional steps. After writing your material, it's helpful to put it aside for a day or at least several hours. This break allows you to approach your work with a fresh perspective, making it easier to spot errors and areas that need revision. When you're ready, read your essay aloud as if you were reading someone else's work. Reading aloud helps you identify areas where the reading becomes difficult or where you stumble, indicating areas that need further clarification or revision.
Remember that good papers often require multiple drafts. Revising and editing your work ensures that the ideas are conveyed clearly and effectively. Keep refining your writing until you are satisfied with the final result.
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