So I want to submit this for my Virtual Voice school paper. Any touch-ups I should do?
September is awareness month for many illnesses. A purple ribbon represents many awareness’s as well. One of the many illnesses is called Chiari Malformation. Ever heard of it? Not many people have heard of it, and neither have many doctors. I want you to understand what this is, and why we should help fight against it. The main question I will answer is what is Chiari?
Chiari Malformation is a neurological illness. The cerebellum droops, putting pressure on the spinal column, and in many cases, can paralyze. Some of the symptoms that come with Chiari Malformation include dizziness, forgetfulness, paralyze, seizures, numbness, and many other symptoms. Chiari Malformation cannot be cured, but we can sponsor for more research. What we do know is that it is hereditary, and it is more often found in women and young children.
September is Chiari awareness month, so I chose now to write this. Many people who hear this brush it off, and some doctors do not realize how important this malformation is. The person who gave me the inspiration to write this explained how she got informed. Her doctor called her and said ‘Good news! It’s not a tumor! Bad news, your brain is leaking out of your skull.’ Imagine if you got that call, or maybe your best friend, or even your mom, how would you feel? Yes, Chiari is not cancer, but Chiari is still a nasty disease that we do not know much about.
September 20th, I will do a 3K walk for Chiari Malformation. I am doing this for my mom. She got diagnosed with Chiari in March 2013. After years of not knowing what was wrong, and test after test, they did an MRI, hoping to find a tumor or cyst, and instead found Chiari. Her cerebellum droops one centimeter outside of the natural arch for it.
The entire point of this was hoping to inform someone else, and then maybe they will say “Hey! Guess what I learned today.” Maybe to family, a friend, a post… Pretty much anything that would make someone wonder and possibly do a Google search. If not, at least I tried to inform others.
Two great things you can do is A) On Saturday the 20th wear a purple shirt and take a picture (#ChiariMalformation.) B) The Chiari Brain Freeze Challenge. We have all heard the ASL Ice Bucket Challenge, this is the Chiarian version. Spin in a circle 5-10 times, and then chug a slushi/icee until you get a brain freeze. Video it and post to facebook, (#ChiariBrainFreezeChallenge.) No, it isn’t much, but, well, maybe make someone with Chiari smile.
Well, have a happy September, and remember to support in any way you can.
Looks good.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Your paper about Chiari Malformation is well-written and informative. However, there are a few touch-ups you can consider to enhance the clarity and flow of the content:
1. Begin the first paragraph by introducing the topic of awareness month for different illnesses, including Chiari Malformation. This will provide a broader context for the readers before diving into the specifics of Chiari.
2. In the second paragraph, consider expanding on the potential causes of Chiari Malformation. Mention that it is believed to be a congenital condition, meaning it is present at birth, and explain that it occurs when the skull is too small or misshaped, pressing on the brain and spinal cord.
3. When describing the symptoms of Chiari Malformation in the third paragraph, it would be helpful to mention that the severity and range of symptoms can vary greatly among individuals. Additionally, you can clarify that paralysis is a potential complication but not a symptom itself.
4. In the fourth paragraph, after stating that Chiari Malformation cannot be cured, briefly explain how the condition is managed through symptom relief and surgery, if necessary. This will provide more context for the readers regarding the available treatment options.
5. The fifth paragraph can be rephrased to emphasize the importance of raising awareness about Chiari Malformation rather than expressing frustration about the lack of knowledge or brush-off from others. Focus on educating people about the disease and its impact on individuals and families.
6. In the paragraph discussing your personal connection to Chiari Malformation, provide more context about your mom's symptoms and the challenges she faces due to the condition. This will create a stronger emotional connection and drive home the importance of raising awareness and supporting research.
7. The conclusion can be revised to reiterate the main points made throughout the paper, emphasizing the significance of supporting those affected by Chiari Malformation and encouraging others to spread awareness.
Overall, your paper effectively highlights the importance of raising awareness for Chiari Malformation. These suggested touch-ups will help provide a clearer understanding of the condition and its impact, as well as enhance the emotional connection for your readers.