Writing Sentences and Paragraphs Paragraph 2
posted by Shawna .
Your favorite cousin has moved to your town and is looking for a job. Her previous experiences are
working as a cashier and sales clerk at two department stores. You know she plans to apply at similar
stores in your town. But you also know she is a perfect match for a job opening as a reliable assistant
to your boss. You know she has the skills, though she doesn’t think she is as capable as she is, and
you’re sure she’d be good at this job.
Your goal is to persuade your cousin to apply for the job. You e-mail her a paragraph explaining the
specifics of the job and the reasons she should apply. You want to convince her that she has the job
skills required. You’ll use an informal tone, of course, but will take care to use correct business writing
to show her that you take your recommendation seriously.
1. Using your imagination, create the kind of skills the job as boss’s assistant requires. Make up
names for your boss and the company, as well as any facts that might help you prove your case
to your cousin. Freewrite about the skills you’ve seen her show in other settings and about how
you can convince her to use those abilities in this position. In addition, consider personality traits
that show she would work well with your boss. Also make up details and figures about how this
job will benefit your cousin personally and professionally.
2. Circle the information your cousin most needs to hear to be persuaded to apply for this job. You
won’t be able to use everything you made up. Organize the details and explanation using an order of importance pattern.
Here is what I have come up with ......
Anna, I am so happy you’ve moved back to Burlington! Especially since the job opportunities here, have much more to offer then where you were before. In fact just yesterday I was talking with Mr. Juzek, my boss at Metropolitan Music Company and he was speaking of needing an assistant. He desperately needs someone to assist him with the growing demand in orders for violins and supplies within our company. I immediately thought of you and how perfect you would be for this for position, due to your impeccable ability to remain calm under pressure and your ability to work quick and efficiently. The position requires the ability to process incoming orders, making sure shipments of products and supplies go out in a timely manner and taking care of travel plans for when Mr. Juzek travels to trade shows. He needs someone who is organized, patient and who can keep up with the pace of the incoming orders. As you’ve shown on various occasions at your previous workplace, and as a friend and cousin , you have all these abilities and much more. Including being able to problem solve quicker than anyone I know. I highly recommend you apply for this position as his assistant because I truly believe your just what he is looking for. I believe it can open many doors for your future, it can also provide you with stability and a steady pay with benefits , which is something I know you’ve been wanting for a long time. I will make sure to put in a good word to Mr. Juzek for you and hope to see your application in our office very soon.
Read through and find and correct any sentence fragments.
Start whacking away at the extraneous words -- remember: wordiness is NOT your friend!!
I have problems with fragments and wordiness hehehe :) but with all your help my other paragraph turned out well and I will work some more tomorrow on this one.
THanks so much I hope people on here appreciate your critique cause I've already learnt alot and you've made this experience fun whereas before It was looking horrible ! :)
You're very welcome!