english/ help revise

Uganda, still, is in a desperate state of emergency. On the state level, the government of Uganda has failed to fulfill its responsibility to protect civilians from the massive human rights violation committed against them. Despite Uganda being a democratic state,it has not enforced the law and or punished the LRA for terrorizing civilians. Hence, the lack of government intervention has essentially given the unscrupulous LRA militia the freedom to commit atrocities against civilians in the name of self-determination. The conflict between the government and the LRA has resulted with the dislocation of more than 800,000 civilians. Many have no option, and are forced by the government to move into displacement camps. Within a three month period, 640 civilians were killed and 2000 civilians had been abducted. These numbers not only show a badly affected Uganda, but also uncover the immense failure of the Ugandan government.

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  1. Uganda, still, (UNLESS THIS FOLLOWS ANOTHER PARAGRAPH, DELETE "STILL.") is in a desperate state of emergency. On the state level, the government of Uganda has failed to fulfill its responsibility to protect civilians from the massive human rights violation(S) committed against them. Despite Uganda being a democratic state, it has not enforced the law and or punished the LRA (DON'T USE ABBREVIATION, UNLESS IT HAS BEEN PREVIOUSLY EXPLAINED IN YOUR PAPER.) for terrorizing civilians. Hence, the lack of government intervention has essentially given the unscrupulous LRA militia the freedom to commit atrocities against civilians in the name of self-determination. The conflict between the government and the LRA has resulted with the dislocation of more than 800,000 civilians. Many (WHO?) have no option, and are forced by the government to move into displacement camps. Within a three month period, 640 civilians were killed and 2000 civilians had been (WERE) abducted (BY WHOM?). These numbers not only show a badly affected Uganda, but also uncover the immense failure of the Ugandan government.

    FROM YOUR PARAGRAPH, IT SEEMS LIKE YOU ARE BLAMING THE GOVERNMENT FOR ALL OF THE PROBLEMS. DID THE GOVERNMENT DO THE KILLING AND ABDUCTIONS? IF NOT, DOESN'T IT DEMONSTRATE THE CALLOUS ATTITUDE OF THOSE WHO DID?

    I HOPE THIS HELPS. THANKS FOR ASKING.

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    posted by PsyDAG
  2. PsyDAG is right on all counts.

    In addition, my first question to you is where your citations are. Certainly you researched this and found the information in books, websites, newspapers, or some other source(s).

    ??

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