Can you please check these sentences, too? Thank you.
1) Unless you improve your handwriting I won’t check your next paragraphs.
2) Unlike Sissy, who is described as a black-haired and black-eyed girl, Bitzer has a fair complexion, emphasized by the light hair and light eyes, which is more evident (which look even lighter as the sunlight irradiates them.
3) They have no possibility of escaping their soul-destroying routine. (escape something or from something?)
4) He refers to his students with their number in the class register. He calls them by their number…. He addresses them by (or with?) their number.
5) He identifies his students by their number.
You failed to stick to the ten lines as required in your exam. For this reason, your paragraph lacks cohesion as well as the capacity to revise your knowledge critically.
6) You included too many unessential details failing to produce a cohesive ten-line paragraph.
Sissy’s physical description is in antithesis to Bitzer’s.
7) Can you include “Last,” to mention the last point in a list? Example: Last, prudery led to the denunciation of words with sexual connotation.
8) He uses personification to describe Coketown. The town is personified and, therefore, assumes human connotation (a human aspect?).
Coketown, as its name suggests, is an industrial town, in which tedium and monotony prevail.
1. comma needed
2. Unlike Sissy, who is described as a black-haired and black-eyed girl, Bitzer has a fair complexion, emphasized by his light hair and light eyes, which look even lighter in the sunlight.
3. You can use "from" or leave it out; either one works.
4) He refers to his students by their numbers in the class register. He calls them by their number. He addresses them by number.
5) He identifies his students by their numbers.
You failed to stick to the ten lines as required in your exam. For this reason, your paragraph lacks cohesion <~~up to that point, it's all fine, but I don't know what this means ~~> as well as the capacity to revise your knowledge critically.
6) You included too many unessential details and failed to produce a cohesive ten-line paragraph.
Sissy’s physical description is in contrast to Bitzer’s.
7) Can you include “Last,” to mention the last point in a list? Example: Last, prudery led to the denunciation of words with sexual connotation. Yes, that works fine.
8) He uses personification to describe Coketown. The town is personified and, therefore, assumes human characteristics.
OK