English/Poetry

I read the stories about her
I discover her dark past
Some things are hard to believe
To know what she has been through
All the challanges she has faced
Now I see her in a different way
A way I’ve never seen her before
I don’t know what to say
Now that I know what I know
What do you think of the poem? How can I make it better?

I read the message she sent
But I don’t know how to respond
I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
As I stare at the screen
I think about what I should say
My mind draws a blank
So I delete the message
All night I think about the message
Wondering what I could have said

asked by Abril
  1. I read the stories about her
    I discover her dark past
    Some things are hard to believe
    To know what she has been through
    All the challanges she has faced
    Now I see her in a different way
    A way I’ve never seen her before
    I don’t know what to say
    Now that I know what I know
    This part reads better, smoother than before.

    What do you think of the poem? How can I make it better?

    I read the message she sent
    But I don’t know how to respond
    I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say <~~how can you shorten this line?
    As I stare at the screen
    I think about what I should say
    My mind draws a blank
    So I delete the message
    All night I think about the message
    Wondering what I could have said

    Other than that one line, it reads pretty well. And the message is very clear. The only other thing I could suggest is to go through and put in some punctuation; sometimes that helps to smoothe things out, too.

    posted by Writeacher
  2. I read the stories about her
    I discover her dark past
    Some things are hard to believe
    To know what she has been through
    All the challanges she has faced
    Now I see her in a different way
    A way I’ve never seen her before
    I don’t know what to say
    Now that I know what I know
    I read the message she sent
    But I don’t know how to respond
    I feel as if I need to be careful about what I say
    As I stare at the screen
    I think about what I should say
    My mind draws a blank
    So I delete the message
    All night I think about the message
    Wondering what I could have said

    posted by Abril
  3. I read the stories about her
    I discover her dark past
    Some things are hard to believe
    To know what she has been through
    All the challanges she has faced
    Now I see her in a different way
    A way I’ve never seen her before
    I don’t know what to say
    Now that I know what I know
    I read the message she sent
    But I don’t know how to respond
    I feel I need to be careful about my words
    As I stare at the screen
    I think about what I should say
    My mind draws a blank
    So I delete the message
    All night I think about the message
    Wondering what I could have said

    posted by Abril
  4. Better and better!

    One spelling error -- challenges

    =)

    posted by Writeacher

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