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here's my progress so far . . i need help badly on 2nd paragraph



Copycat Crime



According to P.H. ferguson, The U.s supreme court is blaming holywood for making mind boggling movies that lead the viewers to be "natural born killers.
watching movies affects people actions to change their atittudes to commit such crimes. for many reasons, a movie is not enough to change a person's attitude and make them commit a crime.



first of all, not all movies have negative impacts.



Also, movies changed my life in a good way. I will never forget the movie "Click" starring Adam Sandler. The movie is about a man who is workaholic and under stress, trying to give his priority to work and neglecting the family issues. When he went to a mall to buy a t.v remote control, a sales clerk offered him a remote control that is capable of controlling his own universe.
He uses the remote too much and loses the control of the device. Then he sees the worthwhile parts of his personal life he missed while he is working, and in the end of his life he lately concludes that family comes first. It is a powerful movie that changed the way i think about life.
I also learned from this movie that life is too short to miss out the things that really important and matter most. Lastly, this movie has opened my heart and reminded me that family is really important , and I need to spend time with them always.


However, U.S. supreme court believes that crimes happen because of the violent movies but the truth is they are only using this as an alibi. There are lots of different kinds of movies and not all of them express violence.

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asked by noob
  1. "mind boggling"?? I think that isn't the right word for this paper. I think you need to use "extremely violent" instead.

    "watching movies affects people actions to change their atittudes to commit such crimes. for many reasons, a movie is not enough to change a person's attitude and make them commit a crime."
    These two sentences contradict each other. You need to state who believes each one.

    "first of all, not all movies have negative impacts." This cannot be a paragraph by itself. It also echoes the second sentence above. Find a way to combine these two repetitive sentences.

    "Also, movies changed my life in a good way. I will never forget the movie 'Click' starring Adam Sandler. The movie is about a man who is workaholic and under stress, trying to give his priority to work and neglecting the family issues. When he went to a mall to buy a t.v remote control, a sales clerk offered him a remote control that is capable of controlling his own universe.
    He uses the remote too much and loses the control of the device. Then he sees the worthwhile parts of his personal life he missed while he is working, and in the end of his life he lately concludes that family comes first. It is a powerful movie that changed the way i think about life.
    I also learned from this movie that life is too short to miss out the things that really important and matter most. Lastly, this movie has opened my heart and reminded me that family is really important , and I need to spend time with them always."
    These cannot be separate paragraphs. They need to be all together in ONE paragraph.

    "However, U.S. supreme court believes that crimes happen because of the violent movies..." Are you sure? The US Supreme Court believes that ALL crimes happen because of ALL the violent movies?? If you write this, you'd better have a very credible citation for this.

    "There are lots of different kinds of movies and not all of them express violence." This sentence is odd. You are stating something obvious -- that not all movies are violent -- but that's not the focus of your paper.

    Keep going -- revise, revise, revise.

    And then be ready for proofreading, but not until you have the content all straightened out.
    "alibi" <~~not the right word for this sentence. http://www.answers.com/alibi

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