Could you review this outline for a persuasive essay? Was it done correctly?

Outline for negative impact of credit card companies marketing to students on campus

Com 156
My introduction to the topic and my thesis statement.
Introductory Paragraph:
Even though students having credit cards can teach financial responsibility, credit card companies should not be allowed to market to students on campus. Most students are not mature enough to make long term financial decisions and there is a strong link between long term financial hardships and early debt. A student’s time is consumed with doing well in school, leaving little time available for generating enough income to manage the debt load that can be created by over-use of credit cards.

Body of Paragraph 1
To credit card companies a college student is equivalent to a walking dollar sign, targeting them for the ease in which one will accept the card offered without fully understanding the possible consequences of doing so.
Present my first point and support for this. Provide statics and factual evidence of this.

Body of Paragraph 2
College is a time for expanding knowledge and learning many lessons of life, but most students are still not able to handle the responsibilities that come with the debt that can be incurred with credit cards.

Show support for students not being mature enough to make long term financial decisions, find statics supporting this fact.

Body of Paragraph 3
The most important reason credit card companies should not be allowed to market to students on campus is the link between early debt and long term financial hardship.
Present my strongest point; provide support and examples for this point. Refute the opposing views.


In conclusion, although credit cards can aid in teaching a student financial responsibility, credit card companies should not be allowed to market to students on campus for two main reasons. First, students are not mature enough to make long term financial decisions because they are more concerned with immediate wants instead of long term needs. But most importantly, there is a strong link between long term financial hardships and the early development of debt.

Summarize my main opinion and supporting points.
Conclude with a statement that shows why the reader should not only care about this
topic but convince my reader my position is the correct one.

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  1. This is not an outline. What instructions were you given for writing an outline in preparation for writing the paper?

  2. What they said were to complete an outline. The outline will relate the to a topic I chose and is to be used to complete a final paper. My school program provides a thesis and outline generator and this is what I based my outline on. I didn't think it looked right either, but honestly don't know what else to do. Any feedback you could provide would be most helpful.

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  3. Honestly there are no real instructions, that is what has me so lost. The outline generator provides an example after I fill in some blanks and this was basically what it looked like (with revisions done of course).
    I always thought an outline simply laid out points to be made later, kind of a road map if you will to what you will create later.

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