Can you fix my writing? My topic is technology hurting kids. Support the side with details.

The World of Technology
Technology, Technology, that’s all we use today. There’s Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, and so many more. My opinion on technology is that I agree that is very distracting because many kids are failing and falling behind in school and grades.
There are so many reasons I agree with the writer of the Scope magazine article “Is Technology Messing with Your Brain?” One reason is kids are spending more time with their gadgets than with their friends. Another reason is kids are spending more time with their electronics than with their homework. Last reason is kids can’t concentrate or remember anything because their brain is multitasking with all of this technology.
To emphasize my point, you should agree that kids using technology is distracting their minds off real stuff that matters. School work should come first and then you could play later. Many parents think I’m probably right and the other parents think I’m wrong. We need to get these intelligent kids cracking into these books, learning.

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asked by Raven
  1. http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1301007210

    I see no change from before.

  2. mrs. sue can I get your opinion as well.

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    posted by Raven
  3. I agree with Writeacher. She's a very experienced and export writing teacher.

    Follow her directions in order to write a superior paper.

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