Can someone proof read please

This is the orginial assignment, and I am suppose to rewrite it.

I am a new publisher with some really great books to sell. I saw your announcement in Publishers Weekly about the bookseller's show you're having this summer, and I think it's a great idea. Count me in, folks! I would like to get some space to show my books. I thought it would be a neat thing if I could do some live airbrushing on T-shirts to help promote my hot new title, T-Shirt Art. Before I got into publishing, I was an airbrush artist, and I could demonstrate my techniques. I've done hundreds of advertising illustrations and have been a sign painter all my life, so I'll also be promoting my other book, hot off the presses, How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business.
I will be starting my PR campaign about May 2008 with ads in PW and some art trade papers, so my books should be well known by the time the show comes in August. In case you would like to use my appearance as part of your publicity, I have enclosed a biography and photo of myself.
P.S. Please let me know what it costs for booth space as soon as possible, so I can figure out whether I can afford to attend. Being a new publisher is mighty expensive!

This is how I rewrote it.

I am a new publisher with some books that I think you may be interested in.
I saw your announcement in Publishers Weekly about the bookseller's show you're having this summer, and I think it's a great idea. I would love to be a part of that event. I was wondering if I could rent some space to show my books. I thought it would be a neat thing if I could do some live airbrushing on T-shirts to help promote my new title, T-Shirt Art. Before I got into publishing, I was an airbrush artist, and I could demonstrate my techniques. I've done hundreds of advertising illustrations and have been a sign painter all my life, so I would like to promote my other book, How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business.
I will be starting my PR campaign about May 2008 with ads in Publisher weekly and some art trade papers, with the hope that my books will be well known by the time the show comes in August. With the hope that you would be able to use my appearance as part of your publicity if that is what you choose to do, I have enclosed some information about my books that you may use if you choose to. Please let me know what it costs for booth rental please.

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  1. I'll check it and get back to you soon.

    =)

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    Writeacher
  2. I am a new publisher with some books that I think you may be interested in.

    I saw your announcement in Publishers Weekly about the bookseller's show you're having this summer, and I think it's a great idea. I would love to be a part of that event. I would like to rent some space to show my books. I could also do some live airbrushing on T-shirts to help promote my new title, T-Shirt Art. Before I got into publishing, I was an airbrush artist, and I would like to demonstrate my techniques. I've done hundreds of advertising illustrations and have been a sign painter all my life, so I would like to promote my other book, How to Make Money in the Sign Painting Business.

    I will be starting my publicity campaign about May, 2008, with ads in Publishers Weekly and some art trade papers, anticipating that my books will become well known by the time the show comes in August. I hope that you will be able to use my appearance as part of your publicity if that is what you choose to do, and I have enclosed some information about my books that you may use if you choose to. Please let me know the cost of booth rental.

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    Writeacher
  3. Be sure to read what I posted very carefully. Some of the changes are very subtle.

    =)

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    Writeacher
  4. Thanks, that looks better!

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  5. You're very welcome!

    =)

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    Writeacher
  6. Very good

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