Writing

How can I make these sentences better and more "personal"?

1) As a teenager, my priority is to go to school and do well in all my classes. Outside of the classroom I have many interests and hobbies, such as dancing, and helping out in my community.

2) Kelvin is from China, he is very timid, and he had the latest sidekick in his bag.

3) I wanted to stand on top of a windy mountain and have my sweater flow towards my left. I yearned to throw my arms out wide and close my eyes under a blistering sun.

4) I was furious that i had to work with these people.

5) According to my perspective a leader is someone who possesses qualities like courage, creativity, honesty, hardworking and determination.

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  1. First of all, 1, 3, and 5 are wordy. Read through this webpage:
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/concise.htm

    Then rewrite those three sentences. I'll check them for you, and we'll go from there.

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    Writeacher

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