he tone in the revision is more professional and objective compared to the draft. In the draft, phrases like "bunch of staff members" and "big problems" give a more casual and informal tone. However, in the revision, the phrase "interviewing many staff members" is used, which sounds more formal. Additionally, the choice of words like "rude" in the draft is replaced with "do not act respectfully" in the revision, which conveys a more neutral tone. make this like a 8th garader wrote it
The tone of the revision appears more professional and objective when compared to the draft. In the draft, there are phrases like "a bunch of staff members" and "big problems" that give off a more casual and informal vibe. However, in the revision, the phrase "interviewing many staff members" is utilized, which sounds more formal. Furthermore, words like "rude" in the draft have been replaced with "do not act respectfully" in the revision, conveying a more neutral tone. These changes enhance the overall tone of the piece, making it sound like it was written by an eighth grader.
