can you fix my essay and add this stuff in it
The thesis is somewhat clear; the central ideas stand out, are well chosen, and have focus and control.
The development of ideas is somewhat effective.
The writer illustrates ideas with specific examples.
The information conveyed has limited inferences.
Content and selected details are well-suited to the audience and purpose.
Organization
The beginning, middle, and end are linked clearly to the thesis.
The order of ideas is somewhat easy to follow, and all paragraphs do not have clear topic sentences.
Sentences and paragraphs need transition words for phrases to help flow from one to the next in a way that makes sense by using clear, effective transitions.
The conclusion restates the topic idea/ thesis but needs more details to support the topic.
Word Choice
Words are simplistic.
Language is respectful; tone is appropriate.
The writer needs to add vivid words to create images in the read
The Worst Move
I have moved way too many times. I have moved so many times I can't even
remember the towns I've lived in . But I’m gonna tell you about my biggest move. One of
the most difficult experiences in my life.
It was a cold silent Utah morning. I was living with members of my family we were all
sitting in the kitchen when we were told we were all moving. Zack my stepfather said
that we were moving to Texas to be closer to his family. I was frustrated at the fact we
had only been here for a year. And he already wants to move. The reason why I loved
Utah the way I did was because, I felt free in Utah because the cold breeze that never
left the mountain range that made the area very pretty
My mother was pregnant so she was extra grouchy which made packing
and moving unbearable, and super difficult. What made me change my mind about
Texas was the pronghorn I saw in New Mexico on the way here. My favorite thing is
when I go fishing. I like it because of the quiet and peace that comes with it.The
challenges of living here have pushed my family to adapt to the heat and to a small
home.
I’ve learned many things while in texas like you should probably wear shoes in dry grass and to flip logs with your boots not your hands. Living here this long has made me
feel comfortable with my surroundings because of the way I've been treated here by
friends and with family. this was a difficult move because of the family and experiences
I left behind but after getting here I pushed through to make friends.
Title: The Worst Move: A Journey of Adaptation and Resilience
The thesis of this essay is somewhat clear as it highlights the challenges and difficulties faced during a significant relocation. The central ideas stand out and have focus, although further elaboration is needed to strengthen the development of these ideas. The writer illustrates some ideas with specific examples, providing glimpses into their personal experiences. However, the information conveyed lacks depth and limited inferences are made. Content and selected details are mostly suitable for the intended audience and purpose.
In terms of organization, the introduction, body, and conclusion are adequately linked to the thesis. However, there is a need to ensure clear topic sentences for all paragraphs in order to maintain coherence. Sentences and paragraphs would benefit from the use of transition words and phrases to aid the flow of ideas and enhance the overall logic. The conclusion effectively restates the topic idea, but requires additional details to support the overarching theme.
Word choice could be improved as the writer predominantly uses simplistic language. However, the tone remains respectful and appropriate. To enhance the essay, the writer should incorporate more vivid words to create vivid imagery and engage the reader.
Title: The Worst Move: A Journey of Adaptation and Resilience
I've experienced numerous moves throughout my life, to the point where I can no longer recall all the towns I've inhabited. However, I vividly remember my most challenging relocation—the one that tested my resilience and shaped my character.
It was a cold, silent morning in Utah when my family and I gathered in the kitchen. Zack, my stepfather, dropped the bombshell; we were moving to Texas to be closer to his family. Frustration surged through me as I pondered the fact that we had only lived in Utah for a year before his sudden decision. Utah held a special place in my heart, primarily due to the liberating sensation I experienced amidst the perpetual cold breeze that caressed the majestic mountain range.
My mother, who was pregnant at the time, intensified her usual grouchy demeanor, making the already challenging task of packing and moving all the more unbearable. Despite my initial resistance, one pivotal moment altered my perception of Texas during the journey to our new home. In New Mexico, I caught sight of a pronghorn, its magnificent figure etched against the vast landscape. This encounter, combined with my love for fishing, shifted my perspective. Fishing, with its serene and peaceful aura, had become one of my favorite activities. The challenges of adapting to the relentless heat and living in a compact home propelled my family to embrace change.
Living in Texas has simultaneously been an enlightening experience and a steep learning curve. I quickly discovered the need to wear shoes in dry grass and to flip logs with boots, not hands. The struggles I faced in this unfamiliar environment ultimately facilitated my growth and adaptation. I found comfort in my surroundings through the warmth and acceptance extended by friends and extended family. Although departing from my previous life was difficult, I persevered and endeavored to forge new connections.
In conclusion, my worst move encapsulated the hardships endured and the resilience gained. While the essay highlights some aspects of the relocation, further development is needed to deepen the emotional impact of the experience. Expanding on specific challenges faced and the personal growth achieved would enhance the overall effectiveness of the essay. By incorporating vivid words, the writer can create a more immersive reading experience, capturing the essence of their journey.
can you add all of this in one essay in my words
Certainly! Here's the revised essay incorporating all the requested changes and additions, written in your words:
Title: The Worst Move: A Journey of Adaptation and Resilience
Moving has become all too familiar to me, to the point where I can't even remember all the towns I've lived in. But out of all my moves, there was one that stood out as the most difficult experience of my life.
It happened on a cold, silent morning in Utah. I sat in the kitchen with my family when we received the news that we were moving again. Zack, my stepfather, announced that we were packing up our lives and relocating to Texas to be closer to his family. I couldn't help but feel frustrated. We had only been in Utah for a year, and now he wanted us to leave. Utah held a special place in my heart because it made me feel free. The cold breeze that never left the mountain range made the whole area enchanting.
To make matters worse, my mother was pregnant, which made the already daunting task of packing and moving unbearable. However, my opinion about Texas started to change during our journey when we passed through New Mexico. I caught sight of a pronghorn, gracefully roaming against the backdrop of the rugged landscape. This moment made me realize that Texas might have its own unique wonders. One of my favorite pastimes, fishing, allowed me to find solace in the quiet and peaceful atmosphere it provided.
Living in Texas exposed me to new challenges and required my family to adapt to the sweltering heat and adjust to a smaller home. As time went by, I learned valuable lessons, such as wearing shoes in dry grass and using boots instead of hands to flip logs. Despite the difficulties, what truly made me feel at ease were the genuine connections I made with friends and family in this new place. Leaving behind familiar faces and experiences was undoubtedly tough, but I pushed through the initial discomfort to embrace new friendships.
In conclusion, the move to Texas was undoubtedly the most challenging one I've experienced. It tested my ability to adapt and face unfamiliar situations head-on. While the essay now paints a more detailed picture, you might consider further expanding on specific challenges and personal growth to enhance the emotional impact of the story. Additionally, incorporating more vivid language will help create an immersive reading experience that captures the essence of your journey.
The Worst Move
The thesis is somewhat clear; the central idea is that the writer experienced a difficult move. The thesis could be strengthened by explicitly stating the challenges faced during the move.
The development of ideas is somewhat effective. The writer begins by describing the setting of a cold, silent morning in Utah and then transitions to the family being told about the move. The writer also mentions their love for Utah and the reasons behind it. However, the development could be improved by providing more details and examples about the difficulties faced during the move.
The writer illustrates ideas with specific examples. For example, the writer mentions their frustration at having only been in Utah for a year before being told to move, their mother's pregnancy making the packing and moving more challenging, and their liking for fishing because of the quiet and peace it brings.
The information conveyed has limited inferences. The writer could provide more insights or reflections on the experiences and their impact on the writer.
Content and selected details are well-suited to the audience and purpose. The writer effectively conveys their personal experiences and feelings during the move.
Organization
The beginning, middle, and end are linked clearly to the thesis. The writer starts by introducing the concept of moving and then proceeds to describe the specific move they consider their worst. The conclusion could be improved by restating the topic idea/thesis more clearly and providing additional details to support it.
The order of ideas is somewhat easy to follow, but not all paragraphs have clear topic sentences. The writer could enhance the clarity by including topic sentences that clearly introduce the main idea of each paragraph.
Sentences and paragraphs need transition words or phrases to help flow from one to the next in a way that makes sense. Clear and effective transitions would improve the coherence and logical progression of ideas in the essay.
Word Choice
Words are simplistic. The writer could enrich their word choice by using more vivid and descriptive language to create stronger images and engage the reader.
Language is respectful; tone is appropriate.
In conclusion, to improve the essay, the writer should provide more details and examples about the difficulties faced during the move and the impact it had on them. They should also restate the thesis more clearly in the conclusion and provide additional supporting details. Additionally, the writer should use transition words or phrases to improve the flow and coherence of ideas. Finally, the writer should enrich their word choice by using more vivid and descriptive language.
I'd be happy to help you with your essay! Here's what I would suggest:
Title: The Worst Move
Introduction:
Start by briefly introducing the topic of your essay - your experience of moving. Mention that you have moved many times, but this essay will focus on your most difficult move. Then, state your thesis that although the move was challenging, you were able to adapt and make friends.
Body Paragraph 1:
Describe the situation when you were first told about the move to Texas. Mention that you were frustrated because you had only been in Utah for a year and loved the freedom you felt there. Add details about the cold breeze and the beautiful mountain range that made Utah special to you.
Body Paragraph 2:
Discuss the challenges of the move, especially considering your mother's pregnancy, which made packing and moving difficult. Share specific examples of the struggles you faced during this time.
Body Paragraph 3:
Talk about how your perspective on Texas started to change during the journey. Mention seeing the pronghorn in New Mexico and how it made you appreciate the unique wildlife and landscapes of different places.
Body Paragraph 4:
Explain what you have learned from living in Texas. Mention practical advice like wearing shoes in dry grass and flipping logs with boots rather than hands. Discuss how the challenges of living in Texas have helped your family adapt and become more resilient.
Body Paragraph 5:
Write about the positive experiences you have had in Texas, such as the friendships you have made and how you have felt supported by friends and family. Emphasize how these experiences have helped you overcome the difficulties of the move.
Conclusion:
Restate your thesis and summarize the main points you have discussed in the body paragraphs. However, as your essay needs more details to support the topic, consider expanding on the conclusion by reflecting on what you have learned from this move and how it has shaped you as a person.
Word Choice:
To enhance your essay, try to use more vivid and descriptive words to create images and engage the reader's senses. Describe the sights, sounds, smells, and emotions you experienced during the move and your time in Texas. This will make your writing more engaging and help your readers better understand your story.
Organization:
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. This will help the reader follow the flow of your essay. Also, consider using transition words or phrases to improve the overall cohesiveness of your essay. They will help your ideas flow smoothly from one sentence to the next, creating a logical and coherent structure.
Remember to proofread your essay carefully after making revisions to ensure it is free of grammatical errors and flows well.