Damon is writing an essay evaluating Andrew Carnegie’s contributions to American society. Damob has researched the topic and arrived at his conclusion. He drafts the following thesis: Andrew Carnegie’s contributions were mostly positive for America. What might Damon’s teacher say about his thesis statement? How could he write a better thesis statement?

Question

Damon is writing an essay evaluating Andrew Carnegie’s contributions to American society. Damob has researched the topic and arrived at his conclusion. He drafts the following thesis: Andrew Carnegie’s contributions were mostly positive for America. What might Damon’s teacher say about his thesis statement? How could he write a better thesis statement?

Answer 1

Damon's teacher might say that his thesis statement is too general and lacks specificity, making it difficult to determine the angle or focus of his evaluation. The teacher might also point out that stating Carnegie's contributions were "mostly positive" without providing any evidence or supporting points is not sufficient for an effective thesis.

To write a better thesis statement, Damon could consider providing specific examples of Carnegie's contributions and explain how they were positive for American society. For example:

"Through his philanthropic endeavors, Carnegie's establishment of libraries, universities, and cultural institutions significantly improved access to education and knowledge, fostering social progress and economic development in American society."

Answer 2

Damon's teacher might say that his thesis statement is too broad and lacks specificity. It is also not clear what reasons Damon will provide to support his claim that Carnegie's contributions were mostly positive. A better thesis statement could be more focused and specific, such as: "Andrew Carnegie's philanthropic efforts, establishment of libraries, and advancement of the steel industry had a positive impact on American society." This revised thesis statement clearly mentions the specific contributions Damon will be evaluating and provides a stronger basis for his argument.