Evaluate
The mist rolled through the trees in the small woods of the woodcutter. Regen was busy chopping log after log, his long black hair flying lightly in the wind. As he carefully stripped the bark with his dark brown eyes, he examined each log before throwing it into a pile. He wiped the sweat off his brow with his long, brown leather sleeves and sat down to rest, thinking to himself. "Poor Nubluta," he thought. "I hope she isn't mad at me for chopping down her beautiful trees."
Suddenly, he heard a noise in the woods and stood up to investigate. A man stumbled out of the trees, muttering angrily. The man had long golden hair down to his shoulders and large blue eyes. He walked slowly with his white hand on his face, which was smeared with blood. His dark brown clothes were also stained with blood. He walked forward, muttering angrily. "Ugly Nubluta, how she grows fatter by the minute. Fatter than all the beasts who eat skulls," he muttered.
The woodcutter looked at the man, and the man looked at him. "What do you want?" asked Regen as he put his axe down. "Revenge on Nubluta," said the man, clenching his fists in anger. "I'll kill her."
"You cannot," said Regen, "but why do you want revenge? What has she done?"
"She made me lose my companions; now I cannot find them. She will pay," said Ronever.
"Forget about it. I will get you a bandage," said Regen. "Then you can find your group."
"Do you not know who I am?" cried Ronever. "I am Ronever, the greatest thief in Aerd's history. Well, maybe not the greatest, but a great thief. Hunaruan, the lord of Lafniap, is hunting after me and my gang. How dare you?"
Then suddenly Ronever threw his dagger at Regen, who stumbled over a rock as the knife sunk into his arm. Ronever ran into the woods laughing. Regen slowly rose up and began walking to his small hut, blood dripping from his arm. He grasped the handle of the small brown wooden door as Ronever came from behind laughing. Regen suddenly turned around and saw Ronever holding a large rock above his head. Regen pulled the dagger out of his arm and began to lean against the door with the dagger in his hand. Ronever screamed as he jumped upon Regen and swiftly bashed his head. Regen fell to the ground as blood streamed from his head.
"Take my pain," said Ronever smiling.
Then he picked his knife up off the ground, looked at Regen's still body, and smiled. "That's one bum down," he thought. "Now, I'll find my gang."
Regen ran up onto the woodcutter's stump and looked down into the prairie below. He smiled at the sight of it and sighed. "When we take this kingdom for ourselves, I'll come here every month with whoever else wants to come," he thought as he looked over the prairie below. "Comea" he corrected himself.
Then he looked along the small creek and saw his friends in the distance. Danbar and Rabnad, the twins, could be seen running back and forth frantically searching for him with their dark green eyes and long black hair that flew lightly in the wind. A little way from them could be seen Zabrag and Garbaz, the other twins that looked just like Danbar and Rabnad. They all wore rich silk robes that matched their hair.
Ronever laughed as he began to run down the hill into the prairie. "They look like kings running around the creek with their robes flying behind them," he thought as he ran down laughing. He ran down to the foot of the hill and began to run along the creek. He was smiling and laughing as he began splashing the water.
"Over here!" he cried. "Over here!" He began to wave his arms back and forth. Danbar looked up, smiling, and began to run towards him.
"There you are," he said. "We must've searched everywhere for you."
"Scum!" he cried as he punched Ronever flat on the face. Ronever looked at Danbar with a look of surprise on his face.
"What was that for?" he asked as he got up and took a step away from Danbar.
"You have made us search this whole prairie because of your stupidity," replied Danbar.
"What?" cried Ronever. "I've done nothing wrong. It was that woodcutter, but I stole something from him. It was my first theft, and this is how you treat me?"
"Well, what was his name?" asked Danbar. "And what did you steal?"
"Oh, well, his name was, uh, Nubluta," lied Ronever. "Some witch. I want revenge on him. He gave me this wound," Ronever pointed to his wound, "and I stole some meat from him. He had a whole barrel of it behind his house. I couldn't take the barrel, but I got a few bags of it." Ronever stopped and pulled out two bags from his backpack. "Here," he said. "Taste it."
Danbar took a piece of the "meat" out of the bag then threw it to the ground. "You fool!" he cried. "You think I eat bark? You are the dumbest thief in the history of Aerd. Bark, huh?"
"I'm sorry," said Ronever. "I thought it was meat."
"It's okay," said Danbar. "Maybe next time, taste it before getting it. If you can't tell meat from bark, come. The others are waiting."
The story is inconsistent and lacks coherence. The plot is unclear and the character development is weak. The language used is also awkward at times, and overall the story is not well written.
Analyze
The mist rolled through the trees in the small woods of the woodcutter. Regen was busy chopping log after log, his long black hair flying lightly in the wind. As he carefully stripped the bark with his dark brown eyes, he examined each log before throwing it into a pile. He wiped the sweat off his brow with his long, brown leather sleeves and sat down to rest, thinking to himself. "Poor Nubluta," he thought. "I hope she isn't mad at me for chopping down her beautiful trees."
Suddenly, he heard a noise in the woods and stood up to investigate. A man stumbled out of the trees, muttering angrily. The man had long golden hair down to his shoulders and large blue eyes. He walked slowly with his white hand on his face, which was smeared with blood. His dark brown clothes were also stained with blood. He walked forward, muttering angrily. "Ugly Nubluta, how she grows fatter by the minute. Fatter than all the beasts who eat skulls," he muttered.
The woodcutter looked at the man, and the man looked at him. "What do you want?" asked Regen as he put his axe down. "Revenge on Nubluta," said the man, clenching his fists in anger. "I'll kill her."
"You cannot," said Regen, "but why do you want revenge? What has she done?"
"She made me lose my companions; now I cannot find them. She will pay," said Ronever.
"Forget about it. I will get you a bandage," said Regen. "Then you can find your group."
"Do you not know who I am?" cried Ronever. "I am Ronever, the greatest thief in Aerd's history. Well, maybe not the greatest, but a great thief. Hunaruan, the lord of Lafniap, is hunting after me and my gang. How dare you?"
Then suddenly Ronever threw his dagger at Regen, who stumbled over a rock as the knife sunk into his arm. Ronever ran into the woods laughing. Regen slowly rose up and began walking to his small hut, blood dripping from his arm. He grasped the handle of the small brown wooden door as Ronever came from behind laughing. Regen suddenly turned around and saw Ronever holding a large rock above his head. Regen pulled the dagger out of his arm and began to lean against the door with the dagger in his hand. Ronever screamed as he jumped upon Regen and swiftly bashed his head. Regen fell to the ground as blood streamed from his head.
"Take my pain," said Ronever smiling.
Then he picked his knife up off the ground, looked at Regen's still body, and smiled. "That's one bum down," he thought. "Now, I'll find my gang."
Regen ran up onto the woodcutter's stump and looked down into the prairie below. He smiled at the sight of it and sighed. "When we take this kingdom for ourselves, I'll come here every month with whoever else wants to come," he thought as he looked over the prairie below. "Comea" he corrected himself.
Then he looked along the small creek and saw his friends in the distance. Danbar and Rabnad, the twins, could be seen running back and forth frantically searching for him with their dark green eyes and long black hair that flew lightly in the wind. A little way from them could be seen Zabrag and Garbaz, the other twins that looked just like Danbar and Rabnad. They all wore rich silk robes that matched their hair.
Ronever laughed as he began to run down the hill into the prairie. "They look like kings running around the creek with their robes flying behind them," he thought as he ran down laughing. He ran down to the foot of the hill and began to run along the creek. He was smiling and laughing as he began splashing the water.
"Over here!" he cried. "Over here!" He began to wave his arms back and forth. Danbar looked up, smiling, and began to run towards him.
"There you are," he said. "We must've searched everywhere for you."
"Scum!" he cried as he punched Ronever flat on the face. Ronever looked at Danbar with a look of surprise on his face.
"What was that for?" he asked as he got up and took a step away from Danbar.
"You have made us search this whole prairie because of your stupidity," replied Danbar.
"What?" cried Ronever. "I've done nothing wrong. It was that woodcutter, but I stole something from him. It was my first theft, and this is how you treat me?"
"Well, what was his name?" asked Danbar. "And what did you steal?"
"Oh, well, his name was, uh, Nubluta," lied Ronever. "Some witch. I want revenge on him. He gave me this wound," Ronever pointed to his wound, "and I stole some meat from him. He had a whole barrel of it behind his house. I couldn't take the barrel, but I got a few bags of it." Ronever stopped and pulled out two bags from his backpack. "Here," he said. "Taste it."
Danbar took a piece of the "meat" out of the bag then threw it to the ground. "You fool!" he cried. "You think I eat bark? You are the dumbest thief in the history of Aerd. Bark, huh?"
"I'm sorry," said Ronever. "I thought it was meat."
"It's okay," said Danbar. "Maybe next time, taste it before getting it. If you can't tell meat from bark, come. The others are waiting."