Hello everyone,
As you all know, I decided to undertake a Buddhist-style fast this week in order to spend some time meditating and searching for enlightenment. Beginning on Monday and culminating on Wednesday (Wesak, a major Buddhist festival), I spent three days sitting on a Tibetan prayer mat beneath a tree in the local park. The first two days of my experience were mostly positive, and I had a great time practicing Buddhist meditations and mantras. I drank only a few small cups of water each day and eschewed food and other worldly comforts. In between meditations, I read from some of the Buddhist scriptures in the Tripitaka (a book of Buddhist teachings) and chatted with passers-by who were curious about my project.
On the third day, however, my Buddhist dream was ruined by what I can only describe as a disturbing vision of the Buddha. It began around three in the morning on Wesak, when I heard something rustling in the bushes near the place where I was meditating. Concerned that it might be an animal or someone planning to mug me, I got up and carefully went to check the bushes. To my surprise, I saw The Buddha sitting quietly behind the bushes, bathed in a radiant blue aura. It was not the fat Buddha, Miatreya, that you see in many statues, but the more traditional "historic" Buddha, Gautama. When he saw me approaching, he told me to go back and wait under the tree until he had finished his business.
Startled by the vision, I went back and sat beneath the tree. After a moment, The Buddha emerged from the bushes, straightening his robe. He approached me and I immediately rose to greet him.
"What are you doing out here?" The Buddha asked.
I explained to him that I was spending time in meditation, much as he had done beneath the Bodhi tree. To my dismay, the Buddha began to laugh and told me that I was a fool to be spending my time under a tree.
"You got any grub?" Buddha asked.
I told him that I had not brought any food with me, but that he was welcome to have some water from my canteen.
That was when the trouble started. He swore at me and said that I would never reach enlightenment, and he kept making lewd gestures at me and telling me that they were mudras (sacred Buddhist hand gestures that indicate different blessings). I was astounded at how rude The Buddha was to me and asked him to leave. He sneered at me and said: "I'm Buddha, remember? On your knees!" Hesitantly, I bowed, only to feel someone kick me in the pants. I rolled over and looked up, but the Buddha was gone. I went to search for him in the bushes, but all I could find was a tiny white pearl that had dropped from the robe he was wearing.
Now please do not misunderstand me. I was not dreaming or hallucinating. I really saw Buddha. When I related this experience to my parents, they were concerned that I had pushed myself too hard on the fast and immediately rushed me to the ER. When the doctor checked me over, however, he could find no signs of dehydration or other medical problems. He said that there was no evidence that I was having a halucination and suggested that I might have seen someone in costume who was playing a prank on me, but that it was too dark and I was disoriented, so I didn't recognize them. However, I know the truth - I saw Buddha.
All I can say is that this was a very discouraging experience. I had expected Buddha to be supportive of my efforts, but instead he acted very rude and disrespectful. I am ready to give up on Buddhist altogether now, unless you think it is possible that the Buddha was trying to tell me something. I know that some Zen koans are very shocking at first glance, but the intent is to shock the person into enlightenment. Could this be what Buddha was trying to accomplish? If so, what do you think he was trying to tell me?
I won't question your experience necessarily. It wasn't my experience, so I have no first hand knowledge of what happened. But let me address the issue of religion in general and having religious experiences.
Religion and faith is a fantastic thing. It gives people hope. It brings a lot of social services to the world. It does things things in a fantastic context - a community that understands there is much more to existence than we will (or can) ever know about. In many religions, the thing that binds us together is God. In Buddhism, the thing that binds us together is a connection to everything in the universe.
Religion can also have an ugly side to it. Quite often, good things do have ugly sides to them. And the better the thing is, the worse the ugly side can be. Think of ice cream....ice cream is GREAT. But eat too much and you get sick and your teeth rot out. I guess I'm saying that Religious Experience can be a lot like Ice Cream. Either really good or really disheartening. But I noticed another similarity - it all depends on how ingest it.
You started off, just a few weeks or so ago, asking for information on the Buddha. Then you went to trying to have a rather significant religious experience. While that can be really great at times, one can also be set up for failure very easily. That's part of that "ugly side" of religion if you tackle too much too soon.
My suggestion, and it even fits with what you say here, is to slow down. Don't create experiences to interpret your faith. Let your faith interpret your life experiences.
Matt,
I agree. In my sudden enthusiasm for the Buddhist faith, I rushed out in the hopes of having an enlightening experience without properly preparing my mind and body. I believe this may have been the reason that the Buddha was angry with me.
On another note, I am trying to look at this experience from more of a Zen perspective, and I am beginning to think that perhaps Buddha was trying to shock me into realizing an important truth. I had been reading a lot of accounts of Buddha's experience under the Bodhi tree and I wanted to have a similar experience myself. But, Buddha said I was a fool for spending my time under a tree. Perhaps the problem is that I was trying to imitate Gautama's experience instead of setting out to have a unique experience of my own.
Nonetheless, I am still really disheartened at how Buddha spoke to me. He was very crude. I had expected him to be a bit more 'gentle' in speaking to a disciple.
May I ask how you interpet the experience I had with Buddha? Do you think he was trying to tell me something?
I am afraid to interpret too much into it considering I'm not a Buddhist. And...this is not necessarily the right forum for these things. I would seek out other Buddhists and ask them.
I know more than your average American about Buddhism and have studied it, but do not know enough to feel comfortable guessing.
Oh ok, no problem Matt; I thought you were a Buddhist. You are very knowledgeable on the subject. I'm gonna go down to the Pao Fa Temple today and speak with some of the monks. Perhaps they might be able to offer me some insight into my experience.
Just a Christian that has studied Theology :) Glad to help where I can though.