Hello, I am looking for someone to peer review this summary to see if there are any mistakes or if someone has any better suggestions as to how I can fix my sentences. By reading my own, I may not catch every mistake so thank you for helping! (:
Silence is a really striking theme in Joy Kogawa’s novel Obasan. Japanese Canadian protagonist Megunmi Naomi Nakane growing up during the Second World War and the internment and ex periences horrible racism from a government that is meant to be democratic and protect them. Her childhood pain is met with silence from her family. As a child, her family’s silence is im posed on her. She hardly ever talks that is something even her most quiet relatives find bazaar. As an adult, this silence is still affecting her. In 1972 when she is 36 years Naomi is forced to confront her past of pain through her memories when her dear uncle Isamu Nakane dies. When her Uncle dies, memories that she would want to stay beneath the surface come floating to the surface of her mind “I want to get away from all this. From the past and all these papers, from the present, from the memories, from the deaths, from Aunt Emily and her heap of words” Grow ing up in a family that does not speak alot, Naomi doesn’t learn how to remember. Joy use the present tense in her book even during flashback. This says that Naomi is still as involved in the past as she is in the present. The tradition of her family’s silence at the time of the interment as an attempt to rise above the racism as well as to get away from unwanted attention it unfortu nately ultimately has long-lasting and undesirable effects for Naomi. The silence maybe benefit ted her in youth but the lack of communication hurt too. She finds sorting through her memories tough and painful she has never had any serious relationships and her relationship with her family isn’t healthy. At thirty-six, she only just beginning healing from the deep wounds inflicted by
Uhh I’m not in High school but it looks good! (Btw sorry for the late response)
Here are some suggestions to improve the sentences in the provided summary:
1. Instead of saying "Silence is a really striking theme," you can rephrase it as "The theme of silence is prominent" or "Silence plays a significant role."
2. Use the correct spelling for the protagonist's name: "Naomi" instead of "Megunmi."
3. Instead of saying "ex periences horrible racism," you can write "faces horrible racism."
4. Instead of saying "the internment and ex," it seems like part of the sentence is missing. Consider revising it to clarify the meaning.
5. Instead of saying "is met with silence from her family," you can write "her family responds with silence."
6. Instead of saying "She hardly ever talks that is something even her most quiet relatives find bazaar," you can rephrase it as "She rarely speaks, which even surprises her most reserved relatives."
7. Instead of saying "In 1972 when she is 36 years Naomi...," you can write "When Naomi is 36 years old in 1972..."
8. Instead of saying "When her Uncle dies, memories that she would want to stay beneath the surface come floating to the surface of her mind," you can simplify it as "Her uncle's death brings up buried memories."
9. Instead of saying "I want to get away from all this...and her heap of words," you can make it clearer by rephrasing it as "She desires to escape from her past, the present, the memories, Aunt Emily, and her excessive chatter."
10. Instead of saying "Joy use the present tense," you can revise it to "Joy uses the present tense."
11. Instead of saying "The tradition of her family’s silence at the time of the interment as an attempt to rise above the racism," you can write "The tradition of her family's silence during the internment was an attempt to cope with racism."
12. Instead of saying "unfortu nately ultimately has long-lasting and undesirable effects for Naomi," you can simplify it as "Unfortunately, this silence ultimately has long-lasting and harmful effects on Naomi."
13. Instead of saying "The silence maybe benefit ted her," use "The silence may have benefited her."
14. Instead of saying "She finds sorting through her memories tough and painful," you can use "She struggles with the difficult and painful task of sorting through her memories."
15. Instead of saying "she has never had any serious relationships," you can write "she has never had a meaningful relationship."
16. Instead of saying "and her relationship with her family isn’t healthy," you can write "and her relationship with her family is unhealthy."
17. Instead of saying "At thirty-six, she only just beginning healing from the deep wounds inflicted by...," revise it as "At the age of thirty-six, she is just starting to heal from the deep wounds caused by..."
Remember to proofread the revised sentences to ensure there are no spelling or grammatical errors.