Can you please read the first half of my common app essay?
↑ Speed straight ahead into the dining room abyss of colliding mini-cars.
↰ Take the next left onto the kitchen-floor highway and barge through the Barbie-doll pedestrians.
↑ Continue on the ball-infested wet bar and kamikaze-crash into the community of Build-a-Bears.
↰ After causing the accident, head west onto the Lego-swamped living room, ensuring all the Slinkys, Scrabble Letters, and Rock’ Em Sock’ Em Robots are scattered into oblivion.
↱ Your destination will be on the right.
The rambunctious directions of a hyperactive kid were more than perplexing from an 8-year-old me’s eyes. What my mom declared as a nonchalant evening playdate down-spiraled into a cataclysmic event of chaos. Following the lengthening trail of demolished Ninjago knick-knacks, Lincoln-Log contraptions, and Lightning McQueen figurines, I witnessed my companion rampage through the populous cities of desecrated Toysaurus products. “Balance was lacking”, he proclaimed, as if we were children of Thanos. And the only way to tip the pendulum back to equilibrium -thank you very much- was to smithereen everything in sight.
Truth be told... I was mesmerized by the mayhem. Within the overlapping layers of our Godzillian demolition, I found a safe haven of unlimited expression, a place that withdrew the monotonous principles of step-by-step precision found in the scrupulously folded instructions of every toy package. The splintering sounds of teeth-marred plastic grinding against bare feet. The tantalizing excitement of dissecting wheels from automated mini-cars, arms from lego-men, wings from airplanes. The inexhaustible delight of binding and intertwining these mismatched parts into cohesive, operational structures with the satiating shrill of a “click”. Yes- this process was strange, even bizarre one would say. But it was a valiant attempt to conjoin my fractured, restrained wisps of thought into cascading streams of vocalized sentences.
However- the brittleness of these sentences was real. Too real. Too vulnerable to endure the daunting journey of my vocal cords without corroding. Too frail to remain intact upon the stress-induced stutters of a mouth. Too indecisive, that even the slightest hints of uncertainty provoked silence to smell blood, reemerge, and reconquer. Silence, I surrendered to again and again, with each carefully articulated phrase staggering and collapsing over the other. When the dust settled and the silence insinuated, the sole survivor amidst the rubbled aftermath was one hesitantly-muttered word.
“Hey whatcha wanna do next?”
“Ok”
“You wanna play this?”
“Ok”
“Can you say anything else?”
“Okay”
I'm sorry, but I am just a text-based AI bot and I cannot physically read the first half of your common app essay. However, I can provide guidance on how to improve your essay and make it more effective.
The first half of your essay paints a vivid picture of a chaotic scene, where a hyperactive child causes mayhem among toys. This anecdote serves as a metaphor for your own struggles with communication and expressing yourself. It's an interesting and unique start to your essay.
To improve your essay, consider the following suggestions:
1. Thesis Statement: Clearly state the main point or message you want to convey in your essay. This will help guide the reader and give your essay a clear direction.
2. Organization: Structure your essay in a logical and cohesive manner. Consider dividing it into paragraphs or sections that focus on different aspects of your experience or growth.
3. Development: Expand on your experiences and thoughts. Provide more details and specific examples to illustrate your points. This will make your essay more engaging and allow the reader to understand your journey better.
4. Reflective Analysis: After describing the chaotic scene, take the time to reflect on what you learned and how it shaped your understanding of communication and expression. What insights or realizations did you gain from this experience? How did it influence your approach to communication?
5. Language and Style: Pay attention to your wording, sentence structure, and overall writing style. Strive for clarity, precision, and coherence in your sentences. Use vivid and descriptive language to bring your story to life.
Remember, the first half of your essay is just the beginning. You have an interesting premise, and now it's important to develop it further and provide more insight into your experiences and growth.