Hello! Yesterday I posted a question about my social studies essay and made some revisions! If anyone has time to read it and tell me what they think it would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
The instructions:
For this portfolio project, you will explore different perspectives regarding the Mexican-American War. You will then present your findings in a short essay. Your final product will describe each point of view. It should give historically accurate facts.
What I wrote:
The Mexican American War began in the year 1945 on May 9, after President James Polk of the United States declared war on Mexico for attacking U.S. troops stationed in Texas. After two years, it ended when the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo was signed. This treaty stated that Mexico must relinquish around one-third of its territory to the United States.
The war was very beneficial to the citizens of the United States because they gained an immense amount of land, which was very valuable despite the issues that land caused. This war also resulted in the gaining of slaves for the southern people of the United States.
The war was anything but beneficial to the people of Mexico. One-third of their territory was lost. Also, many lost rights because the U.S. Constitution did not yet protect the rights of anyone but white men.
I believe that the war was not justified. The United States and Mexico should have tried harder to work out problems concerning Texas peacefully. I also think that President Polk should have accepted Mexico's refusal to sell western land.
Once more, I would really appreciate any feedback, and don't be afraid of being too harsh! All of it helps, Thank you!
Sure, I'd be happy to provide you with feedback on your essay!
Overall, your essay touches on the key points and perspectives related to the Mexican-American War. However, there are a few areas where you might consider making some revisions to improve clarity and historical accuracy.
First, the Mexican-American War did not begin in 1945, but rather in 1846. The conflict arose from disputes between the United States and Mexico over the annexation of Texas, which occurred in 1845. So, it would be important to correct that factual error.
Additionally, you mention that the United States gained an immense amount of land through the war, which is true. However, it might be helpful to specify that this land acquisition included areas like California, Nevada, Utah, Arizona, and parts of Colorado, New Mexico, and Wyoming. Providing more specific details can enhance the accuracy of your essay.
Regarding the statement about gaining slaves for the southern people of the United States, it is important to note that the Mexican-American War did not directly result in the acquisition of slaves. Slavery was already a contentious issue in the United States before the war, and its expansion across new territories acquired from Mexico further fueled sectional tensions. So, it would be more accurate to say that the war intensified the ongoing debate over the expansion of slavery.
You also bring up an important point about the negative consequences of the war for Mexico, including the loss of territory and the lack of constitutional rights for non-white individuals. However, it would be helpful to provide some specific examples or evidence to support these claims and further illustrate the impact of the war on Mexico.
Finally, you state that you believe the war was not justified and that peaceful negotiations should have been pursued. To strengthen your argument, consider including more specific reasons or historical evidence to support this perspective. For example, you could mention diplomatic efforts that might have been explored before resorting to military action.
Remember to review your essay for grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors to ensure clarity and readability.
I hope these suggestions are helpful! Good luck with your essay!