Can someone help me come up with a good ending for this intro on an essay?
"Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? Many people believe it should be. They think this simply because testing never before used medicine on animals to make sure they are safe could potentially harms animals and it isn't even completely accurate. There are a variety of other reasons why people think animal testing should be illegal, and by now you're probably wondering what the reasons are."
There's supposed to be 100 words and I believe there's around 70 so far.
"Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? Many people believe it should be. They think this simply because testing never before used medicine on animals to make sure they are safe could potentially harms animals and it isn't even completely accurate. There are a variety of other reasons why people think animal testing should be illegal, and by now you're probably wondering what the reasons are. In this essay, we will go over all of those reasons, as well as reviewing why people think animal testing should be legal and debunking that opinion."
Does this sound good?
Turn that last sentence into a real thesis statement -- In this essay, we will go over all of those reasons, as well as reviewing why people think animal testing should be legal and debunking that opinion.
https://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
Read through all six sections here and learn what a good thesis statement is. It needs to be the main idea of your paper, INCLUDING your opinion about that main idea.
PS -- Avoid the "we" and "I" and "you" pronouns!
When you have written
When you have it written, please post the whole intro paragraph here, and someone will check it for you.
Thank you! I've read through the sections and I can't find a way to word the thesis, for example I said "we will go over" and listed what we'll do after. How should I begin the sentence?
First, let's examine the first part of that paragraph --
Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? Many people believe it should be. They think this simply because testing never before used medicine on animals to make sure they are safe could potentially harms animals and it isn't even completely accurate. There is a variety of other reasons why people think animal testing should be illegal.<~~You should omit the sentence after "illegal."
How can you turn the underlined (too long) part into 2 sentences and not lose any meaning? Make sure each pronoun you use has a clear antecedent.
Sorry -- turn that underlined part into at least 3 sentences.
While you're re-doing those parts, think about whether you want to convince your readers that animal-testing should be legal or illegal. You need to take a stand -- one side of the issue or the other. Then you'll be able to write a thesis statement.
Could I say: (the part in quotations is the underlined part)
Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? "Many people believe it should be illegal for quite a few reasons. One reason is because testing never before used medicine on animals to make sure they are safe could potentially harm them. Another reason is because animal testing isn't even completely accurate. "
and after this could I put:
There is a variety of other reasons why people think animal testing should be illegal...
I don't know how to finish the sentence after that without restating all that I just put
1. Please read ALOUD what you have written so far and fix any errors you find.
2. If you simply announce your topic, you haven't written a thesis statement. Please read and re-read the first two items on that webpage:
A thesis statement is an assertion, not a statement of fact or an observation.
Fact or observation: People use many lawn chemicals.
Thesis: People are poisoning the environment with chemicals merely to keep their lawns clean.
A thesis takes a stand rather than announcing a subject.
Announcement: The thesis of this paper is the difficulty of solving our environmental problems.
Thesis: Solving our environmental problems is more difficult than many environmentalists believe.
You must take a stand, make an assertion.
At first I noticed the way I worded it was wrong, then fixed it. I read the new first part out loud and I can't notice any errors, can you?
Can the thesis be:
A variety of people believe that animal testing should be illegal because it causes many more problems other than the ones already stated.
But what do YOU believe?
Is your paper about what YOU believe? Or are you trying to take both sides?
Ooooh I understand. I was just confused because my guidelines say it should be in third-person so I didn't know if I should use the "I" pronoun. Or is there another way for me to word it while saying its my opinion?
Do I switch it like this:
Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? Many people, including me, believe it should be illegal for quite a few reasons. One reason is because testing never before used medicine on animals to make sure they are safe could potentially harm them. Another reason is because animal testing isn't even completely accurate. I believe that animal testing should be illegal because it causes many more problems other than the ones already stated.
And also its an argumentative essay so its me defending my opinion towards the opposing opinion.
Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? Many people, including me, believe it should be illegal for quite a few reasons. One reason is because testing never-before-used medicine on animals to make sure they [<~~they = animals or medicines?] are safe could potentially harm them [<~~"them" means who or what?]. Another reason is because animal testing isn't even completely accurate. Animal testing should be illegal because it causes more problems than it solves.
The third sentence needs clarification. How will you rephrase?
That last sentence is much better, but take the "I believe" out -- it should be obvious that you believe this side of the question since the rest of your paper should be to support that side!
"Have you ever wondered if testing new medical treatments on animals should be illegal? Many people, including me, believe it should be illegal for quite a few reasons. One reason is because testing never-before-used medicine on animals to make sure the medicines are safe could potentially harm animals. Another reason is because animal testing isn't even completely accurate. Animal testing should be illegal because it causes more problems than it solves."
Does this sound better? :)
MUCH better!!
Nice job!
Now make sure everything in your paper agrees with (supports) your last sentence there (your thesis statement).
=)