Essay Evaluation (Writeacher)

Prompt: Explain the relationship between Lennie and George. How does George take responsibility for his companion? Explain how George show loyalty and compassion by taking Lennie's life.

I haven't written much, so here's my first body paragraph. It explains the relationship between George and Lennie.

First body paragraph:

Throughout the novel, Lennie and George have a symbiotic relationship that can often be compared to the relationship between a dog and its master. When the two men prepare to work on the farm, for example, George says, “…I'll give him the work tickets, but you ain't gonna say a word. You jus' stand there and don't say nothing” (Steinbeck 6). After Lennie indicates that he understands and will comply with George’s orders, George praises him by saying, “Good boy! That’s fine, Lennie!” (Steinbeck 16). This comparison between Lennie and George as dog and master is reinforced when George demands the dead mouse and Lennie gives it to him “slowly, like a terrier who doesn’t want to bring a ball to its master” (Steinbeck 9). Lennie has so much unconditional love for George that he is fiercely loyal and obedient and willing to do anything that George asks or demands of him. In a conversation with lead mule-team driver Slim, George establishes this fact further by saying, “Why he’d do any damn thing I tol’ him. If I tol’ him to walk over a cliff, over he’d go” (Steinbeck 44). Akin to a dog, because of his mental disability, Lennie needs George to take care of him and provide him with food, shelter, and protection from people like Curley, the son of the farm boss. Although George is considered the bright one of the pair and does not rely on Lennie in the same respect, George needs Lennie to drown out his own loneliness and chooses to take responsibility for Lennie.

asked by Victoria
  1. Correction:

    Although George is considered the bright one of the pair and does not rely on Lennie in the same respect, George needs Lennie to drown out his own loneliness and chooses to take responsibility for him.

    posted by Victoria
  2. If it were a one paragraph essay, great. To the point, readable, and understood.
    However, Victoria, I am wondering where you go from here, as you have laid out evidence (support) for your thesis in the first paragraph. Normally, in the next 2 to 4 paragraphs one would develop and smplify support for the thesis, and I am not certain how you do that now without repeating. So you may want to reduce your first paragraph and let the follow-on paragraphs do the speaking of the evidence.

    posted by bobpursley
  3. My first body paragraph was going to explain George and Lennie's relationship. My second body paragraph was going to explain how George takes responsibility for Lennie, and my third paragraph was going to explain how Getogr showed loyalty and compassion by taking Lennie's life.

    posted by Victoria
  4. Well....I hope you are not making repetitions....and more and more long quotes....

    You have to keep reader interested, and not (NOT) repeat over and over what you said. The reader should discover a new thought in each paragraph, as if they were on a developing adventure.

    You can then use the final paragraph to "conclude" and tell the reader what you said above in succinct words.

    Sometimes, when one starts writing, a broad development outline is very helpful to make the essay flow.

    posted by bobpursley

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