English

I have to write a "Descriptive essay" for my composition class and I need help proof reading my essay. This is the third draft I have done. I had to cut out over 400 words. The essay can be no more than 750 words. That is exactly how many I have right now. I have also included an outline. The instructor did not include a format for the outline. How did I do on it? What do I need to work on? is there anything I need to do to make this better?

After reading this essay would you say it is a "descriptive" essay or a "Narrative" essay?
Either way I have to write one of each for this class. The descriptive one is due in a week, while the narrative is due in two weeks.
I can not seem to understand the difference as the samples in my book all seem the same between the two types of essays.

Childbirth: God’s Greatest Gift

I soaked in the bath after a long day of bowling. The warm water covered me in a warm blanket of serenity. However, my belly protruded out of the water as if I was looking at a soft subtle hill off in the distance. Sounds of cars rumbled by intermittently. The smell of lavender filled the air from the lit candle on the counter. I was in complete heaven and in labor.

The contractions were starting to come more frequently. I enjoyed watching my belly tighten and release every three to five minutes, which continued for the duration of my three-hour escape from reality. Suddenly, a painful flash of lightning struck my lower back. Every couple of steps I took, the flash of lightning would return and forced my body to hunch like an old lady walking with a cane. I woke my husband, Tony, from his deep slumber, with one word, “Babe.” All 200 pounds of him jumped out of bed in one swift movement. His hair stuck straight up like he had just gone through a treatment of electroshock therapy. He grasped my hand and escorted me down the stairs, out the door, and to the car.

On the sixth floor of the hospital was a grand white suite. Antiseptic spray filled my nostril when we arrived. I did not mind the smell. Grand skyscraper-sized windows covered one wall of the room. Directly across from that was a door to my own personal en suite. A large Jacuzzi tub filled half the suite; calling my name. Another jolt of lightning hit, this time worse than before. All I could do was say, “Epidural please.”

Sitting off the corner of the oversized examination table, I hugged Tony for dear life. I felt a slight sting of the needle on the middle of my back, and everything went numb instantly. Looking up at Tony with a sigh of relief, I saw the look of horror on his face. His eyes and mouth were wide open, frozen in shock. I turned to see the anesthesiologist removing his white gloves with a look of success on his face.

As I laid down in the bed, a nurse in her fifties came in and placed a thick elastic cloth around my belly. Attached to the cloth was a thin circular disk that could read the baby’s heartbeat. A small monitor, next to the bed, allowed me to see my contractions, heart rate, and my son’s heartbeat. Suddenly a fast and repetitive whooshing sound filled the room. She had found his heartbeat. I rolled over and began to doze off to the sound of my son, Shane’s, heartbeat. It reminded me of an orchestra playing a soft melody.

Later I awoke to the feeling of pressure deep down in the pit of my stomach. The nurse peaked under the thin white sheet I had been using to keep warm; releasing all the heat I had accumulated during my sleep. I was fully dilated. The doctor walked in along with a crowd of ten to fifteen other medical professionals that had come to watch. He lifted the sheet. “Let’s try a test push.”

Spread eagle, Tony held my right leg and a nurse with the other, the doctor said to push. I had no idea what he meant. Holding myself up with my arms, I took a deep breath and pushed. It was like I was doing a crunch, contracting my abdominal muscles while holding my breath. I could feel nothing. On my final push, I took a deep breath like it was my last and started to push, when I felt a splash of warm, slimy liquid hit my cheek. “What the hell was that?” Flew out of my mouth abruptly. Then I heard the most heavenly sound. Shane’s first cry, soft and sweet to hear. It lasted only a few seconds as the nurse whisked him away to the changing table.

As I laid their waiting for the doctor to mending my wound, I was flooded with intense emotion. I felt immense love for a child I had never met. Tony walked Shane over to me holding him like a football all bundled up. When I held him in my arms for the first time I knew my life would change forever. This was a moment I would never forget. I was a mother! Childbirth is God’s greatest gift to women and I would not change that moment for the world.

Outline

I. Labor at home
A. Bath
B. Informing Tony
C. Getting ready to leave

II. Arrival at hospital
A. Hospital room
B. Epidural
C. Sleep/monitor

III. Labor at hospital
A. Nurse – full dilation
B. Doctor, with attendants
C. Push to delivery

IV. Conclusion/holding Shane
A. Emotions
B. Tony’s reaction
C. God’s greatest gift - Thesis

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asked by Sandy
  1. This is a narrative, and it's a good one.

    Read this about narrative and descriptive essays, and let me know what you think.
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/composition/narrative.htm

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  2. I see it now; a narrative essay would explain/describe the complete process of childbirth. A descriptive essay would elaborate on maybe one aspect of childbirth, such as the contractions more in-depth; overly describing the contractions in every way, shape or form.

    Is their any corrections you would make in the narrative essay that I wrote?

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    posted by Sandy

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