Read the following short paragraph. This paragraph is full of short, choppy sentences. Use your knowledge of sentence variety and prepositional phrases to improve the paragraph. Include all of the details in your revised version.
The clouds seemed to loom over the baseball field. The baseball field was near my house. A drop of rain fell on the infield dirt. The umpire looked into the sky. The sky opened up. A downpour of rain scattered everyone. People ran into the concession stand. Other people ran to their cars in the parking lot. The parking lot was behind the outfield.
My work:
The clouds seemed to loom over the baseball field near my house. As the umpire looked at the sky a drop of rain fell on the infield dirt. The clouds opened up and a downpour of rain scattered everyone. Some people ran into the concession stand while other people ran to their cars in the parking lot behind the outfield.
What don't you understand about Sheeny's answer?
http://www.jiskha.com/display.cgi?id=1407555441
http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm
See especially #s 2 and 3.
To improve the paragraph, I focused on combining some of the short sentences and using prepositional phrases to provide more information. Here is the revised version:
As I stood near my house, the baseball field seemed to be overshadowed by dark clouds. Just then, a drop of rain fell on the infield dirt while the umpire anxiously gazed into the sky. Suddenly, the sky opened up and a torrential downpour sent everyone running for cover. Some sought refuge in the nearby concession stand, while others hurried to their cars in the parking lot situated behind the outfield.