I need help editing a college admission writing supplement
Connecticut College is definitely my first choice, as I believe that its exemplary academic and career opportunities will not only help me develop as a student, but also as a future professional. The college you choose has a great impact on the rest of your life, and so which one you choose to attend is vital. I believe that the available majors provided will give me multiple opportunities to academically excel in my intended field, as will the career advising programs and five interdisciplinary centers. I hope to take full advantage of academic opportunities, such as graduating with a certificate from the Holleran Center for Community Action and Public Policy. Furthermore, Connecticut College offers the opportunity to quality education in earning state certification in secondary education, as well as allowing for it being combined with Creative Writing English, since I hope to be an English teacher in the future. The supreme accreditation of the teacher certification programs along with the stressed annunciation on the importance of field work through student teaching has led me to acquire an even furtherly yielding desire to attend. I believe that I would be an excellent attribute to its community, and that it would be beneficial to me also. I thrive in the presence of challenging opportunities to grow, and so I believe that the rigorous and competitive teacher preparation courses would be a perfect match for me. In turn, I will thrive in on a campus while also becoming actively involved in campus life.
Connecticut College is definitely my first choice, as I believe that its exemplary academic and career opportunities will not only help me develop as a student, but also as a future professional. ... "as a future professional" what? There is no career simply called "professional" -- what career are you aiming for?
The college you choose has a great impact on the rest of your life, and so which one you choose to attend is vital.
Get rid of all "you" and "your" intances; you'll need to rephrase.
I believe that the available majors provided will give me multiple opportunities to academically excel in my intended field, as will the career advising programs and five interdisciplinary centers. Are you supposed to be this vague? Or do you actually have a career direction in which you're heading?
I hope <~~you only HOPE to do these things??? to take full advantage of academic opportunities, such as graduating with a certificate from the Holleran Center for Community Action and Public Policy. Furthermore, Connecticut College offers the opportunity to quality education in earning state certification in secondary education, as well as allowing for it being combined with Creative Writing English, since I hope to be an English teacher in the future. The supreme accreditation of the teacher certification programs along with the stressed annunciation on the importance of field work through student teaching has led me to acquire an even furtherly yielding desire to attend. I believe that I would be an excellent attribute to its community, and that it would be beneficial to me also. I thrive in the presence of challenging opportunities to grow, and so I believe that the rigorous and competitive teacher preparation courses would be a perfect match for me. In turn, I will thrive in on a campus while also becoming actively involved in campus life.
Very odd wording here; you'll need to rephrase:
the opportunity to quality education
allowing for it being combined
The supreme accreditation of the teacher certification programs along with the stressed annunciation on the importance of field work through student teaching has led me to acquire an even furtherly yielding desire to attend. HOLY SMOKE! What does this even mean??
PLUS ... if you are really after a secondary teaching credential, why are you taking a sideways trip into the field of "a certificate from the Holleran Center for Community Action and Public Policy"??
(The Holleran Center for Community Action and Public Policy offers student teaching internships and other career preparing programs)
Connecticut College is easily my prime choice, as I believe that its exemplary academic and career opportunities will not only help me advance as a student, but also as a future professional English teacher. The college one chooses has a preeminent impact on the rest of their life, and so I have given careful thought to why Connecticut College would be a particularly perfect match for me. I believe that the available majors will accord me multiple opportunities to academically excel in my intended field, as Connecticut College offers the opportunity for quality education through earning state certification in secondary education, along with Creative Writing English. This, clearly, is a perfect match for me. Further still, the supreme accreditation of teacher certification programs along with their stressed importance of field work through student teaching has led me to acquire an even furtherly yielding desire to attend. I anticipate on taking full advantage of academic opportunities, such as enrolling in the Holleran Center for Community Action and Public Policy, as to develop my academic skills and teaching experience. Furthermore, I believe that I would be an excellent attribute to its community, and that it would be beneficial to me also. I thrive in the presence of challenging opportunities to grow, and so I believe that the rigorous and competitive teacher preparation courses would be a perfect match for me. In turn, I am fully confident that I will thrive in on a campus while also becoming actively involved in campus life.
To edit your college admission writing supplement, here are some steps to follow:
1. Read through the entire essay: Start by reading the essay from beginning to end. Take note of any grammar, punctuation, or spelling errors that need to be corrected.
2. Check sentence structure and flow: Look for sentences that are too long or confusing. Break them up into shorter sentences to improve clarity and readability. Make sure that each sentence flows smoothly into the next, creating a logical and cohesive essay.
3. Evaluate the content: Assess whether the essay effectively conveys your reasons for choosing Connecticut College and highlights your relevant skills and experiences. Ensure that your passion and enthusiasm come across clearly. Consider whether any paragraphs or sentences can be rearranged or removed to improve the overall structure and cohesiveness of the essay.
4. Eliminate repetitive or unnecessary information: Review the essay for any repetitive points or irrelevant details. Make sure every sentence and paragraph contributes to the overall message you're trying to convey.
5. Focus on specific examples: Provide concrete examples and experiences that showcase your qualifications and enthusiasm for the academic and career opportunities at Connecticut College. This will make your essay more engaging and persuasive.
6. Seek feedback: Share your essay with trusted friends, family members, or teachers. Ask for their input and suggestions for improvement. Consider their feedback and make revisions accordingly.
7. Edit for clarity and conciseness: Edit your essay for clarity, ensuring that your ideas are expressed in a concise and impactful manner. Use vocabulary and language that is clear and accessible to the reader.
8. Proofread for errors: Finally, proofread your essay for any grammar, punctuation, or spelling mistakes. Use spell-check tools, but also read through the essay carefully yourself. Pay attention to details such as capitalization, verb tense consistency, and proper use of punctuation.
Remember, the goal of the essay is to showcase your unique qualities, passion, and fit for Connecticut College. By following these steps and giving yourself enough time for revisions, you can create a strong and compelling college admission essay.