posted by Anonymous .
Please grade my ACT writing test on a scale of 1-Please make corrections and give me feedback. By the way, I wrote this essay in 30 minutes.
ACT Test Prompt:
Schools in some states have changed their school calendars so that they are now year-round schools. Advocates of year-round schooling argue that the traditional summer break is a waste of students' time that could other wise be spent learning . Opponents charge that today's students are already overburdened with the stresses of school and need the summer to get a much-needed break. In your view, should the traditional three-month summer vacation from school be maintained?
Some schools do not have a three-month summer break, but rather an additional three-month of school. Others maintain the three-month summer break. Supporters of year-round school believe that it is better to use the three months for school. Thus, the traditional three-month summer vacation should not be maintained.
A few opponents say that it is wrong to not have summer breaks for students. They think that there should be breaks because students need the rest due stresses at school and the workload. This is incorrect. Students have winter break, spring break and some holidays off, so there is no need for an extended break. Besides, it is believed that summer breaks can cause students to slow down in their academic. Does going to school for an additional three months have an effect on the students? No, but it instead loads them with knowledge,which is good.
Time is of the essence and should be used to learn during summer vacation. For example, if students want to excel in their education, they must commit their time to it. The more time they commit in to English for instance, the better they are with it. Sometimes school subjects are not learned completely, so an additional three months is extremely helpful. Time is key and students should be learning hard during the summer vacation.
It is useless to have summer vacation. Most students are not even resting. Rather, they spend most of their time watching television and playing games. This is a very unhealthy break. Hence, going to school during the summer is a better idea. Schools not only help students gain knowledge, but it also provides classes like physical education for students. Being unhealthy during the summer, does not give a good, fresh start for the oncoming year. Therefore, the three months must be used up in school.
Schools must require students to attend school during the summer. Summer vacation can cause the summer slide-- students forget what they learned previously. In addition it can cause an increase in television watching. With perseverance to work hard during the three-month summer, students should see ideal result both academically and physically.
I'd give this a 4, but a weak one. You have all the elements organized well -- thesis, face opponents, explain own case, etc. -- but it's not smooth. That's probably because you wrote it in 30 minutes.
There are some errors in punctuation which lead to sentence structure problems, including some borderline fragments and run-ons.
One thing to work on is the prudent use of transitional words and phrases to smooth out the connections (continuation and/or contrast) from one idea to the next.