English (quick Sentence)

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Hi Teachers,
I wrote a sentence in which i think has a wrong sentence structure. Will you correct me with it, please?

When his daughter told us of what he said we promised that we will all be in part of helping him and making him feel like family.

  • English (quick Sentence) -

    One thing to get under control is your overuse of prepositions and other words. Here are my corrections for you:

    I wrote a sentence which I think has incorrect sentence structure...

    When his daughter told us what he said, we promised that we would all help him and make him feel like family.

    Can you find the differences? Let me know if you have questions about the changes I made.

  • English (quick Sentence) -

    Thanks. I forgot the comma ansd i used tha present tense when it is supposed to be the past tense.

  • English (quick Sentence) -

    I also omitted the unnecessary words. Do you notice what I omitted?

  • English (quick Sentence) -

    May i have your name exactly appears on your credit card?

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