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Can you check if everything is OK in my rephrase of Owen's poem?

1) In the first stanza the soldiers are retreating towards their trenches.
Instead of being youthful, strong fighters, they are presented as prematurely old and weak.
2) They are bent over like old men, moving slowly towards their barracks. Many are walking along without their boots, and coughing like hags. They are hobbling along on their bloody feet, as if they are hurt or blind. They are so tired, they walk as if they are drunk. 3) They don't even seem to hear the sounds of the bombs and shells that are dropping behind them. War has broken these men, making them look like old beggars marching asleep.
4) Owen seems to reject the accepted attitude that serving one's country in war is glorious. In particular, he is critical of the great enthusiasm used to convince men to go to war.

  • English -

    2. Remove the comma after "boots"

    Everything else is fine.

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