Improving your writing
posted by Shawna .
Ten years ago, you started working as a clerk for DMD
Medical Supplies. Six months ago, Liz Jakowski, the human
resources director, promoted you to office manager. You
manage two employees: Jack Snyder and Ruth Disselkoen.
Your office provides secretarial support for the four members
of the executive team. Two years ago, Liz had assigned Jack
to support Ralph Alane and Jessica Hilo. Ruth was assigned
to Samuel Daley and Frank Daley. The work flow was
You’ve noticed that in the last three months Ruth has cut her
breaks short to complete her work, complains of being tired,
and at least twice a month requires overtime hours costing
the company an additional $200 a month. In the last three
weeks, Frank Daley has complained to you a few times about
the poor quality of Ruth’s work.
On the other hand, over the last three months, Jack frequently
seems to have little to do. He has begun coming in late a
couple times a week and taking more than the allotted break
times. What work he does have, however, is always professionally completed.
Clearly, you must investigate to determine what is causing
this change and how to improve the situation. Since nothing
has changed in the personal lives of either Jack or Ruth, you
conclude you must focus on the in-office work situation. You
learn the following facts:
• Samuel and Frank Daley share a part-time administrative
assistant who works only 15 hours a week.
• Ralph Alane and Jessica Hilo share a full-time administrative
• Jessica Hilo has been on medical leave for the last four
months, and Liz Jakowski isn’t sure whether Jessica will
be able to return to work.
• Jessica’s duties have been temporarily reassigned to
Ralph and Frank.
Although you don’t have the authority to change the work
assignments of the two administrative assistants or the
executive team, you clearly need to change your office
assignments so that both Jack and Ruth work regularly
without requiring overtime.
After they ask to do webbing and prewritting skills they want these paragraphs divided as follows:
Facts and Figures that define the problem (the cause)
Details that show the impact of the problem (effects on Jack , Ruth and the company.
The steps needed to change the situation
Reason to implement each step including the benefits to your employees , your supervisor and the company
Information about your role in the change.
With all that said and all the brainstorming and webbing and prewritting done. I let my imagination flow and came up with these two paragraphs.
Please disregard grammar and such and focus more on helping me with things in Section 1 and 2 . I will rewrite for grammar later.
Any help , suggestions would be appreciated cause after 2 weeks of thinking of only this I'm stuck and have no clue where else to go. Here is what I have :
For 3 months at the DMD Medical Supplies company there seems to be an evergrowing problem in the work flow and the amount and quality of work being put out by both teams. Jessica Hilo has left on medical leave , the executive team of Samuel Daley and Frank Daley which Ruth Disselkoen Supports only has a part time administrative assistant , Frank is unhappy with the quality of Ruth Disselkoen’s work due to her being overworked , exhausted and the company is losing 200$ more a month on overtime just so Ruth can finish all her work and in the end it comes up in poor quality. The executive team of Ralph Alane and Jessica Hilo which is supported by Jack Snyder has a full time administrative assistant and although there is plenty of work in the office Jack has begun to come in late , seems to have little to do in a day and takes extended breaks. All of these things happening between both teams is causing poor work quality and a waste in funds throughout the company. Various members of these teams are either unhappy or absolutely exhausted , which reflects badly on our company and the type of reputation we want to uphold.
As office manager I believe the only way to change this situation is to sit down and have a meeting with Liz Jakowski the human resources director, the executive teams and my two employees Jack Snyder and Ruth Disselkoen and delicate the work equally between everyone on both teams.The first solution I have thought of is to give both executive teams a full time administrative assistant, this would cost the company a bit more money but would result in a more even work flow among both teams and would alleviate my employee Ruth exhaustion and Frank’s irritation toward her poor work quality. My second solution effective immediately is to put Jack Snyder on a 3 month probation where he is to follow office rules such as coming in on time to work and only taking the allotted break times given to him.I will also be deligating some of Ruth’s tasks to Jack as he is producing good quality in his work but yet has very little to do. This should give him some extra work and prevent him from feeling like he has nothing to do. I would also like to make sure that since Jessica Hilo is gone on medical leave with no return date as of yet that her tasks are evenly spread out among both teams. Considering I can only change what Ruth and Jack do in their day , I think it’s important that a company meeting be held and everyone join as a team to make sure each team and their supporters have the same workload , break times and hours in a day. Finding a solution to this problem will result in better work quality, happier employee’s and enable each worker to feel they are treated fairly. This solution would boost the morale of the company and get everyone back on track and focused on what needs to be done to make sure DMD Medical Supplies continues to be a successful company.
I think the content of your solution is good. It's one of the strongest I've read for this assignment so far.
Fix all run-on sentences:
Jessica Hilo has left on medical leave , the executive team of Samuel Daley and Frank Daley which Ruth Disselkoen Supports only has a part time administrative assistant , Frank is unhappy with the quality of Ruth Disselkoen’s work due to her being overworked , exhausted and the company is losing 200$ more a month on overtime just so Ruth can finish all her work and in the end it comes up in poor quality.
Read through your paper and make sure there are no more run-ons.
Make sure there are spaces AFTER commas and periods, not before them.
Check all spelling and make sure that apostrophes are used ONLY for possessive nouns and contractions.
Thanks I will revise it that is basically my rough draft before another rough draft :) I basically just typed and didn't care to think of anything else but a solution .
I'm thankful u feel it's strong this assignment is making my head hurt ! Will repost in a couple hours ! Thanks