english correcting

posted by .

Hi,

I need help to see if I corrected these correctly.
(The things I need to correct are on top my work is on the bottom.)

Thanx

One sunny day the rabbit was running fast, and hopping around quickly

showing off as usual; you know how rabbits are, but the slow turtle can hardly
even move around. <-This is a run-on sentence.

I guess the only time turtles run fast; is when they go after insects. <-This was correct originally. No semi-colon is needed
here.



The turtle disagreed because he knew the rabbit was way faster than he was. <-You fixed the capitalization, but didn’t change the
wording.

The other two turtles would also hide; the fourth would hide close to the
finish line. <-This should be 2 sentences.

The rabbit lost his mind; He got a stick, and started beating the turtle's back
shell. <-Should be 2 sentences.



Breaking the turtle's shell. <-Where is the second
sentence? Also, breaking is the wrong tense. This should be in past tense, and
it needs to include a connection to this, “That is why the turtle has spots all
over him.”



He told the ants to eat his fat he got in there. <-Fix wording.

So the ants ate the turtle's fat; the blood in the turtles back shell started sewing him up. <-Fix highlight, and check the wording. This doesn’t make
sense.


One sunny day the rabbit was running fast, and hopping around quickly

showing off as usual; you know how rabbits are. But the slow turtle can hardly
even move around. (corrected)

I guess the only time turtles run fast is when they go after insects. (Corrected)


The turtle disagreed because he knew the rabbit was faster than him. (Corrected)

The other two turtles would also hide. The fourth turtle would hide close to the
finish line. (Corrected)

The rabbit lost his mind. He got a stick, and started beating the turtle's back
shell. (Corrected)

The rabbit lost his mind; He got a stick, and started beating the turtle's back shell. He broke the shell all up. (Corrected)

He told the ants to eat the fat he had in his back shell. (Corrected)

So the ants ate the fat, the blood in there, started sewing him up. (Corrected)

  • english correcting -

    I can't tell the original from what your corrections are. Please post the original first and then some kind of line

    ----------------------------

    and then your corrected version.

    Thanks.

  • english correcting -

    my corrected version says (corrected) at the end

  • english correcting -

    One sunny day the rabbit was running fast and hopping around quickly, showing off as usual. You know how rabbits are. But the slow turtle can hardly even move around. I guess the only time turtles run fast is when they go after insects. The turtle disagreed because he knew the rabbit was faster than he was. The other two turtles also hid. The fourth turtle hid close to the finish line. The rabbit lost his mind. He got a stick and started beating the turtle's shell. He broke the shell to pieces. He told the ants to eat the fat he had in his shell.

    So the ants ate the fat, the blood in there, started sewing him up. <~~This makes absolutely no sense.

  • verb tense correction -

    But the slow turtle could hardly even move around.

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