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chacking if i paraphrased correctly helppppppppppp

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I was wondering if I paraphrased correctly.

The original article is:(my work is at the end )

Known as the "Napoleon of the women's rights movement," Susan B. Anthony was the co-founder (with Elizabeth Cady Stanton) of the National Woman Suffrage Association. When she was arrested and fined $100 for casting an illegal vote in the 1872 presidential election, Anthony refused to pay, defending her actions in the speech that follows. Note her reliance on parallelism and antithetical structures to convey her forceful message.

On Women's Right to Vote

by Susan B. Anthony (1820-1906)

Friends and fellow citizens, I stand before you tonight under indictment for the alleged crime of having voted at the last presidential election, without having a lawful right to vote. It shall be my work this evening to prove to you that in thus voting, I not only committed no crime, but, instead, simply exercised my citizen's rights, guaranteed to me and all United States citizens by the National Constitution, beyond the power of any state to deny.

The preamble of the Federal Constitution says:

"We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union. And we formed it, not to give the blessings of liberty, but to secure them; not to the half of ourselves and the half of our posterity, but to the whole people--women as well as men. And it is a downright mockery to talk to women of their enjoyment of the blessings of liberty while they are denied the use of the only means of securing them provided by this democratic-republican government--the ballot.

For any state to make sex a qualification that must ever result in the disfranchisement of one entire half of the people, is to pass a bill of attainder, or, an ex post facto law, and is therefore a violation of the supreme law of the land. By it the blessings of liberty are forever withheld from women and their female posterity. To them this government has no just powers derived from the consent of the governed. To them this government is not a democracy. It is not a republic. It is an odious aristocracy; a hateful oligarchy of sex; the most hateful aristocracy ever established on the face of the globe; an oligarchy of wealth, where the rich govern the poor. An oligarchy of learning, where the educated govern the ignorant, or even an oligarchy of race, where the Saxon rules the African, might be endured; but this oligarchy of sex, which makes father, brothers, husband, sons, the oligarchs over the mother and sisters, the wife and daughters, of every household--which ordains all men sovereigns, all women subjects, carries dissension, discord, and rebellion into every home of the nation.

Webster, Worcester, and Bouvier all define a citizen to be a person in the United States, entitled to vote and hold office.

The only question left to be settled now is: Are women persons? And I hardly believe any of our opponents will have the hardihood to say they are not. Being persons, then, women are citizens; and no state has a right to make any law, or to enforce any old law, that shall abridge their privileges or immunities. Hence, every discrimination against women in the constitutions and laws of the several states is today null and void, precisely as is every one against Negroes.


my paraphrased work is :


Susan B. Anthony was arrested ,and fined for voting in the 1872 presidential election which was illegal for woman to participate in. she refused to pay the fine she defended ,and explained her act in a speech saying to the people , and citizens of the united states That she did not do anything wrong or illegal. She was supporting her country by precipitating in voting. That right was guaranteed to her and every American citizen to practice and nobody has the right to deny that our federal constitution says:
"We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."
Our constitution said we the people it didn't say we the men, white or black.
Our constitution said we the people all of us all the United States citizens none shall be left out, we are the people who formed the union to secure it. We equally formed it we need to all enjoy our rights equally. It is ridicules, to deprive, and deny woman to vote.
To us this government is ruled by a few elite citizens. To us woman this government isn’t a democracy or a republican it is a aristocracy government. Poor govern the rich, white govern black, and men govern woman. Shouldn't we vote aren't we people?

  • chacking if i paraphrased correctly helppppppppppp -

    cheching ***** my bad

  • Paraphrasing -

    The content is fine. Just work on some of the grammar/usage things:

    Make sure all sentences start with a capital letter.

    Make sure your sentences follow each other as in a paragraph, not in a list.

    Make sure there are no run-on sentences.
    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/runons.htm

    There are some sentences that are awkward. I'll fix one of them:
    Susan B. Anthony was arrested and fined for illegally voting in the 1872 presidential election.

  • chacking if i paraphrased correctly helppppppppppp -

    Watch spacing, as there is no space immediately after the word but there is one space after the comma: "arrested ,and fined " = arrested, and fined (Lots of those to fix)

    Every sentence begins with a capital letter: she = She (in the next sentence)

    I can already see that you need to concentrate on punctuation, including capital letters.

    united states = United States

    That she did not do = that she did not do

    run-on sentence: "the people it didn't say" = the people; it didn't say (either a semicolon or a period and begin a new sentence to avoid run-ons

    Sometimes when you read what you have written outloud, you will note where some punctuation is required: "people all of us all the United States citizens none s" = people, all of us, all the, etc.

    Another run-on: "left out, we are the people" = left out; we are, etc.

    "formed it we" = formed it AND we, etc.

    spelling problem: ridicules, = ridiculous + no comma after it

    To us woman = To the women (plural and more generalized)

    Difference between a noun and an adjective: "or a republican it is a aristocracy" = republic....aristocratic

    Let me take the last part and correct anything in parentheses immediately after the error: Poor (The poor) govern the rich, white govern (governs) black, and men govern woman.(women) Shouldn't we vote (;)aren't we people

    Writeacher told you generally where you need to check and correct, and I have told you specifically. Now it's up to you to make all the corrections. If you have time, you might repost ONLY what you have written for final proofreading.

    Sra

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