English essay, could I have someone proofread it?
posted by Allyson .
The title states it.
Please be gentle.
The day started off pretty normal, well, before I was out rocking out to music, besides the fact that we had all stayed in a house with nothing but an old Dean ‘’Z’’ guitar and an Xbox 360 system. We went to breakfast at Denny's, after which we made our way to Clarkston the site of the day's big event. On our way to my cousin's apartment, we drove by the multi million-dollar complex. It had a huge billboard that said "Rockstar Energy Mayhem Festival’’ To my surprise, I kind of got a nervous feeling, my pupils got dilated, and I got butterflies as we passed by.
We proceeded to my cousin's apartment complex where the entire group conglomerated in preparation of the concert. We had a large group of people that consisted of Austin, Seth, Samantha and her two brothers, Tim and Eric, my cousin and me. While waiting for the right time to arrive at the event, we had the radio turned to a station that was playing Rob Zombie in honor of his presence in Clarkston.
The moment had finally arrived, we were about to enter the newly built venue. As we approached the entrance, there was a small line of people waiting their turn to get into the venue. While waiting in line, I noticed that there were certain things not allowed into the concert venue for safety reasons. One lady had a large chain that resembled a dog chain in her pocket. The guard told her to take it back to her car or throw it in the trash, when the lady threw her chain in the trash I realized how devoted some of these fans really were. I thought to myself, “Maybe I'm not as big of fan as I thought I was," and continued through the gates. After our entire group got through security we had to separate, due to the different stages, we all wanted to see different bands. Half of the group wanted to go to the other side, and the other half wanted to go to the main stage.
Shortly after that, we entered the venue. We walked into the pool of people, wearing leather jackets, shirts that represented who were playing, and lots of cheering. We then proceeded to our stages of choices but to our amazement the concert had already started. This was a crushing blow, knowing that we had already missed the whole opening act, a heavy sigh approached, but I wasn’t going to let the opening act get me down.
As we slowly made our way to the correct section, we said where we were going, and which artist or band we were going to see, which led to our final destination. It was about 3:30 in the afternoon, so the suns blazing hot rays of light brightened the east side of the venue to make it seem like it was some sort of unreal bliss. I couldn't take my eyes off the large area that gloomed over us on the west side of the facility, but soon had to, in order to make my groups way to our destination, I found myself in a state of amazement because it wasn't until I got to the stage that I finally heard the screeching sounds of the speakers pierce my ears. This piercing sound would annoy some, but to others such as me it was a sweet hymn of music that I live for.
The show went on with anticipation of the main event, in my eyes, Rob Zombie. The crowd was not what I expected it to be. The crowd did not consist of just young kids that loved heavy metal, but also older people that were once cursed by their own parents for listing to rock n roll. To myself I thought, “Why would older people want to come and listen to music with a bunch of crazed young kids that were jumping and yelling." This I didn't understand until I realized that heavy metal was a genre for all ages, not just the young people. This gave me a good feeling that I can't describe, but I was indeed ready to see the older people get insanely crazy with us young kids, in an aspect, anyway. I don’t want to see some old grandpa crowd surfing.
The moment had finally come; Zombie was about to enter the stage. While the vast crowd waited in anticipation, I was still trying to take in the raging crowd, the stage, and the event that was about to take place. People that had general admission tickets started to pour in from the main entrance. As I watched, I noticed that from the beginning of the show to now, the number of people had almost doubled. The event had started; Zombie entered the stage and viciously began to play his first song, ‘’ Dragula’’. As the glorious show went on, they played many of my favorite tunes, but the one that I wanted the most hadn't yet come to pass. Just as I thought the show was coming to its end, the stage filled with fire and they played their first encore song.
As the dark concert venue filled with fire, with the sounds of guns and bombs exploding everywhere, the crazed fans yelled at the top of their lungs. The enormous stage was rumbling with the sound of a single guitar as the band slowly started their first encore performance. Soon after I realized that I was actually at the stage where Rob Zombie was playing, listening to him play "Living Dead Girl", I thought to myself, "Is this real, am I actually here right now?" I had a weird feeling the entire time because I had been working all summer to simply come up with the money to be here to listen to music with a bunch of strangers, this concert venue had tons of bands playing today and I was more than happy to be here.
Suddenly, the band got quiet after their last song, and Zombie yelled “How would you beautiful people like ONE MORE SONG?!” My stomach dropped. “Could this be it, another encore..? Maybe it might be one off his new album…” I thought to myself. I knew that the song I had been longing for was about to be played. For a moment I had to stop and look at the sky and yell at the top of my lungs. I couldn't believe it; it was like they were about to play one more song just for me. I was in a state of amazement. As the sweet melody continued I went on being a crazed fan yelling and screaming till I could barely breathe. "Thunder Kiss 65" was roaring through the speakers and then the concert drew to an end. It was a time that cannot be explained very well through writing but only by experience. As I was approaching the end of the venue, a huge smile came across my sweat-filled face. I finally realized that simply listening to music with a bunch of strangers could be one of the most exciting things there is to do in the world, and I was more than satisfied with tonight’s performance. I realized at that very moment, I was actually happy, and happiness for me takes a while to show. I suppose, where worlds fail, music speaks, is the perfect quote to explain. I would love to do it again sometime. “Wow, this will definitely be a night to remember, I wonder where the rest of my group went... Oh snap! I should probably go find them...” My thoughts were running rapidly in my mind. I reacted quickly; I knew it was going to be tough to find them.
This is a informal personal narrative, by the way.
Read and study about commas. Revise and repost.
Double-check for run-on sentences, too.
Thanks, will repost after school, my english hour is about done.