posted by Anonymous .
Can someone please help? Does this seem to be correct?
o Identify which paragraph was more effective and analyze why this is so.
o Include a discussion of sentence variety and the rhythm of the author’s writing.
o Focus on the writing rather than the opinions presented.
o Underline your topic sentence.
There are many writing differences between paragraphs one and three. I believe that paragraph three was written more effectively, correctly, and sounded like more of an academic writing. Paragraph three had many sentences of different lengths and also had correct sentence structure. Paragraph three also consisted of fewer grammar mistakes and provided more important information regarding the topic that it was covering than paragraph one did. Whereas paragraph one was written more from a personal point, and did not provide very much information on why a will is important for a person to have. . Paragraph one has many grammar and punctuation errors, along with many wrong terms. I found paragraph one to be constructed of many short choppy sentences that do not flow together very well and it also seemed to repeat the information. I found that paragraph one was hard to follow and just as hard to finish reading.
Your paragraph is VERY good! You followed the directions well.
Which sentence did you underline as your topic sentence?
Here are a few places where you need to make mechanical corrections, but don't change the content of your paragraph:
...effectively, correctly, and more formally academic.
However, paragraph one...
...do not flow together very well, and it...
Thank you very much! I underlined the first sentence as the topic sentence.
Super. Well done!
Thanks again for all of your help!
You're very welcome! =)
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