This Is a Argumentative Essay On Plymouth,Massachusetts, Can you see if I need some corecctions?
Plymouth, Massachusetts
“The cowards never started and the weak died along the way” It is applied to the Plymouth Pilgrims, who clearly had obtain courage, strength, and faith to make such a journey to America. I have said this because there are many hardships that the Plymouths had faced, during their journey such as they had long and harsh winters, unfertile soil and were unable to obtain food for the first winter, had no homes or shelters. Indeed the Native Americans had helped them with the hardships that the Pilgrims have faced. The Pilgrims have showed their love by killing Native Americans, enslaving them. I think that is very unfair for the Native Americans to be treated like that in a very harsh way.
The first winter in the New World was extremely hard. When the Pilgrims landed in Massachusetts, there were no houses or stores. There was no place to live. There was only wilderness. The Mayflower stayed through the winter and the passengers stayed on board the ship. The men tried to build shelters, but the weather made this very slow. The winter was much colder than they had known in Europe. Snow, sleet, and high winds battered the little ship anchored in the harbor. The Pilgrims tried to survive on stale food left over from their long voyage. Many of the Pilgrims were sick. Many of them died, probably of pneumonia, pneumonia is a disease of the lungs caused by bacteria or viruses. They had no medicines to treat this disease. The 132 Pilgrims and crew who left England, only fifty-three of them survived the first winter. Eleven of the thirty-one children died the first winter. Fewer of the children died because of the good care of their mothers. Although the mothers were weak, sick, and hungry, they gave their children food and medicines they made from herbs. Fourteen of the eighteen adult women died the first winter. There were no schools and the children only learned simple arithmetic. They learned how to write their names and read the Bible a little. They were needed to do work. The smaller children could pull weeds, gather nuts and berries, and pick up kindling wood for fires. Girls would do spinning, weaving, pounding corn into meal, making soap and candles, cooking, and baking. Boys learned how to saw and split wood for building houses, how to sow and reap crops, and how to fish and hunt. The most important part of their education was learning how to make and do the things they needed to survive. This is how the Pilgrims have come in the New World and suffered during the first winter.
The Native Americans helped the Pilgrims by teaching them how to live off the new and unfamiliar land. They showed them techniques for getting water, how to grow crops, and how to survive the harsh winters in the east. Squanto was of great help to the Pilgrims. He helped them build warm houses, an improvement over those in which they had lived during the first winter. He taught them when to plant their corn crops. Then he showed them how to plant the corn. Into a hill, they were to put several seeds along with a fish for fertilizer to help the corn grow rapidly. Without his help, there would not have been 20 acres of corn produced that year. Later, he taught the women how to cook the corn. Squanto also advised the Pilgrims in their relations with the Indians. He helped them make friends, acted as interpreter, guided them on trading expeditions, and gave advice on bargaining with the natives.
The Native Americans had soon figured out that the Pilgrims were going to take over their land. Eventually, they did take over their land. The Pilgrims had captured the Native Americans and salved them and had treated them very harshly even though the Native Americans had helped them a lot through out their hardships which had through out this journey. I think that was very unfair for the Native Americans to be treated in such a bad and cruel way because if they were helping the Native Americans and after they had helped them the Native Americans would have salved them and treated them badly. A very wise person had once said “Treat others the way, you should be treated”. I agree with this because if some one treats you nicely you should treat them nicely the same way back.
As a result, you can see how the Pilgrims had showed their love back to the Native Americans and the Native Americans had truly shown their sympathy to the Pilgrims.
It needs a lot of corrections, but more importantly, it needs an argument.
"I think that it was unfair..." is not a thesis, nor arguement. It is an opinion.
See this. http://homeworktips.about.com/od/essaywriting/a/argument.htm
Many of the other corrections should be caught by proofreading.
Redo, with an argument. Repost.
Here are some suggestions for corrections in your essay:
1. In your introduction, there are a few errors in grammar and sentence structure. Instead of saying "had obtain courage," it should be "had obtained courage." Additionally, "the Plymouths" should be "the Pilgrims." The sentence "I have said this because..." is not necessary and can be removed.
2. In the paragraph about the first winter in the New World, there are some grammar and punctuation errors. For example, instead of saying "There was only wilderness," it would be clearer to say "There was only wilderness, with no houses or stores." Also, be careful with sentence structure - try to break up long sentences into shorter ones for better clarity and flow.
3. When discussing the Pilgrims' treatment of Native Americans, use more precise language. Instead of saying "The Pilgrims have showed their love by killing Native Americans," you can say "The Pilgrims' treatment of the Native Americans included acts of violence and slavery." Provide specific examples or evidence to support your statements.
4. Evaluate the significance of these actions by the Pilgrims and Native Americans. Instead of just stating that it was "very unfair" for the Native Americans, explain why it was unfair and the impact it had on the relationship between the two groups. Use quotes or other sources to strengthen your argument.
5. Make sure to proofread for grammar and spelling errors throughout your essay.
Overall, your essay needs more specific details, evidence, and analysis to support your statements. It would also be helpful to provide more context and background information about Plymouth, Massachusetts in order to engage the reader and create a more well-rounded argument.