Editing of Yr 6 exposition

posted by .

One of te most common issues that as been endlessly open to debate is relative to ..... "junkfood". Banned of unlimited is the question that I have prepared to discuss in this short easy article including its pros and cons. Whether the sale of junkfood should be legal to a child under the age of twelve conditionally in presence of an accompanying adult. Te topic is currently conferencing between the members of the local community campaiging to prevent this from happening.

Help
1.can show the mistakes I did
2. markout of 45
3.your comment
4.tips on this topic and type of text
5.What level do I write at
6.What is my weakest point

P.s I'm an asian girl my teachers say I write excellenly but with an overflow of vocabulary I'm trying to make it much simpler.Thanks to those who help me espiecially

  • Editing of Yr 6 exposition -

    Sorry the h on the comp doesn't really work

  • Editing of Yr 6 exposition -

    Banned of unlimited? What exactly does that mean?

    conditionally in presence of an accompanying adult. = this is very awkward and probably is what your teacher means by "simplifying." = at least drop "conditionally" Plus this is not a complete sentence.

    te = the (2 places)

    is currently conferencing between the members of the local community = is being discussed, etc.

    If what you posted here is NOT the essay, and you tried to "cut and paste" it does not work here. You need to type it all out.

    Sra

  • Editing of Yr 6 exposition -

    One of the most common issues that as been endlessly open to debate is relative to ..... "junkfood".<~~Delete "relative to ..... " and the quotation marks around "junkfood." When you use quotation marks, you are indicating that you're using someone else's word(s), and you need to cite it properly. This is not an appropriate use of quotation marks! In addition, it's spelled with two words: junk food, snack food, etc.

    Banned of unlimited is the question that I have prepared to discuss in this short easy article including its pros and cons. "Banned of unlimited" = what? The rest of this sentence needs to be rephrased or deleted. It's third-gradish to write "I will write about" or anything related. Here's a good webpage to help you write a better introduction: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/intros.htm

    Whether the sale of junkfood<~~?? should be legal to a child under the age of twelve conditionally in presence of an accompanying adult.This is not a sentence.

    The topic is currently conferencing<~~what? between the members of the local community<~~only 2 of them? Use "between" when referring to 2 people; use "among" when referring to more than 2 people. campaiging<~~sp? to prevent this<~~"this" = what? from happening.

    Here's another good website to help you write better introductions:
    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html

    Now my questions: Have you planned and written at least the first draft of the paper for which this is to be the introduction? If not, then stop right now and go through the entire writing process.

    DON'T start any paper's first draft by writing the introduction! How can you introduce a paper that you haven't written yet?

    Follow the writing process, whether you're writing for science, history, English, or whatever:

    Prewriting: brainstorm, research, plan, outline, thesis statement

    Writing: write first draft by starting with section II of your outline; write introduction after the body of the paper is written; write the conclusion last.

    Polishing: revise, concentrating first on the body of the paper, then the intro, then the concl (revision = making sure ideas are logical and sequential and support your thesis); proofread (spelling, grammar, usage, etc.)

    Do you have a thesis yet? Have you done your brainstorming (and maybe research) yet? Have you written an outline?

    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html#org
    from http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/catalogue.html

    http://www.angelfire.com/wi/writingprocess/

    http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/
    Check in the Essay & Research Paper Level.

    Let us know.

  • Editing of Yr 6 exposition -

    I fail to understand your thesis, whatever it is. Your point seems to be that there is community discussion on the matter. Surely you intend to do more than that.

Respond to this Question

First Name
School Subject
Your Answer

Similar Questions

  1. english

    hi, i need to write a persuasive essay that includes a personal narrative. 'you'll have to write a believable persuasive essay about the subject so you should probably feel fairly strongly about it. your subjects should eb issues that …
  2. Science, gr9

    Hi, I have to write an opinionated article on the safety problems in space. I have to wrtie the issues that occur during a lift-off which are ignored I have been unable to find a website that tells me issues that occur but are ignored …
  3. Science

    Hi, I have to write an opinionated article on the safety problems in space. I have to wrtie the issues that occur during a lift-off which are ignored I have been unable to find a website that tells me issues that occur but are ignored …
  4. Advertising-HELP

    I need an advertisement which hasn't been banned yet, but that you think should be banned. I don't really pay attention to ads, so I don't know which ones should be banned. I actually have to write a complaint letter on one.
  5. health care

    Find a current administrative issue in a newspaper, magazine, or journal article relating to topics such as patient privacy, confidentiality, or HIPAA. Write a 1,050- to 1,400-word paper that includes the following: • Describe the …
  6. health care

    Find a current administrative issue in a newspaper, magazine, or journal article relating to topics such as patient privacy, confidentiality, or HIPAA. Write a 1,050- to 1,400-word paper that includes the following: • Describe the …
  7. health care

    Find a current administrative issue in a newspaper, magazine, or journal article relating to topics such as patient privacy, confidentiality, or HIPAA. Write a 1,050- to 1,400-word paper that includes the following: • Describe the …
  8. Hello Jiskha

    I must say, you have been one of the most helpful sites that I have been on. You don't lie to people about the answers. You help the people understand, So I would just like to show my gratitude. Thank you so much for your help, with …
  9. Debate

    I need help finding and article or news story to help my argument that Refusing to accept EBT cards is prejudicial. And that law makers should not banned EBT cards in fast food restaurants for the many card holders.
  10. Government

    article or story about the changing demographics of legislators who serve in the Congress or state legislatures. Legislatures have changed in many ways since the textbook was first written in 2001. You are to locate examples of these …

More Similar Questions