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mentioned earlier that I was doing an essay on the Taj Mahal. Here is my draft for it and I'd like you to revise it;any tips are highly appreciated. I used the first site i found on google when I typed in Taj Mahal essay help (since i cant give a link) Thanks-MC

The Taj Mahal, a beautiful monument made of white marble by the Mughals, is considered one of the eight wonders of the world.
It was made by Muslim emperor Shah Jahan for his dear wife in 1631. The total amount of workers it took to make this beautiful peice was 20,000 and the cost was 32 million rupees!
The Taj Mahal is located in Agra, India and attracts millions of visitors per year! Being a very popular tourist attraction, it is quite a sight. There are tours given to see the whole place inside which includes also seeing the tombs of the two lovers, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mughal.
Building the Taj Mahal took great effort and quite a lot of money but almost everyone agrees, it's a place worth seeing.
This is a major grade for me so please help. I'm really not sure about it at all. The point is just to give basic information (im only in 8th grade)
THanks again -MC

  • repost of composition -

    A fully written essay normally has four or more fully developed paragraphs, including an introduction (4-5 sentences with a thesis statement) and a conclusion. Here's what I see in what you wrote, which is not an essay yet.

    ------------------
    The Taj Mahal, a beautiful monument made of white marble by the Mughals, is considered one of the eight wonders of the world. This is a good sentence to be in your introductory paragraph. It is not a complete paragraph, nor is it a thesis statement. It's a start, but needs more development. See the thesis statement and introduction links below.


    It was made by Muslim emperor Shah Jahan for his dear wife in 1631. The total amount of workers it took to make this beautiful peice was 20,000 and the cost was 32 million rupees!
    Good start; keep writing. It's not a fully developed paragraph yet. See the paragraph development link below.


    The Taj Mahal is located in Agra, India and attracts millions of visitors per year! Being a very popular tourist attraction, it is quite a sight. There are tours given to see the whole place inside which includes also seeing the tombs of the two lovers, Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mughal.
    Again, good start; keep writing. It's not a fully developed paragraph yet. See the paragraph development link below.

    Building the Taj Mahal took great effort and quite a lot of money but almost everyone agrees, it's a place worth seeing.
    Good start on a conclusion; keep writing. It's not a fully developed paragraph yet. See the conclusion link below.

    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/thesistatement.html
    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/intro.html

    http://www.arts.uottawa.ca/writcent/hypergrammar/paragrph.html

    http://leo.stcloudstate.edu/acadwrite/conclude.html

  • repost of composition -

    PS -- Don't count on the "I'm only in eighth grade" excuse! My grandson is in 7th grade this year and has been writing multiparagraph essays all this school year and most of 6th grade, too. I believe that if students are taught well, they can write well.

  • repost of composition -

    Thanks so much----and i didn't think you'd have grandchildren! that's quite a surprise for me ^^ -MC

  • repost of composition -

    You're welcome -- and yes, I have four!

    Be sure to develop that essay and repost. Then we'll see what you learned.

    =)

  • repost of composition -

    I'll be sure to tell you the grade i get after I'm done revising.

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