posted by Kim .
I apologize I meant to say short story not essay! Its suppose to be a short story that is descriptive, it has subtext, twist, and dialogue
I thought that is what you meant! I think you have a knack for it; just work on the grammar etc. issues mentioned by Writeacher and BobPursley
Yes, it is a very good beginning for a short story. With a twist is right! Nice one.
As you revise and edit, be sure to post if you want more feedback. You can even post sections of it for more specific feedback, if you wish.