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I have to write a final paragraph for this story.Please help!

Battle of Manassas
By Callie Hackett

Everbody thouht that today,July 21,was going to be a wonderful day,since we were going to have a quick and easy battle,but that all changed.That morning I was already in position with the rest of my men under the command of General James Jackson.The battle was between the Confederate,the South,and the Union,the North.As the rest of our group arrived by train the 35,00 Union soldiers were also ariving.When both sides,the North and the South,were in position ot fight something caught my eye.I couldn't believe what I saw.Picnickers!Finally,the Battle of Manassas had begun at 10:00 a.m.
The battle started off with a huge bang,while all of the picnickers were cheering and having a great time.General Jackson had us positioned behind the top of a hill.Our other men were out there fighting while we were just standing there.All of a sudden our men came running back acting like we were giving up the battle,but as the Union came after them,unaware that we were there,we started to fire away.I saw my brother,Bailey Butler,shot down and I wish I could have helped him,but I was trying to stay alive myself.All of the Union soldiers finally started to retreat Then,each side stopped for a lunch break.After everyone was done eating the battle resumed at 3:00 p.m.
The battle started off a bit crazy.After a few minutes it got even wilder and the soldiers were going to fire right were the picnickers were!The picnickers were trying to leave and got mixed in with the soldiers.Everyone was going crazy,including the soldiers.I think we were all afraid that we would hit a picnicker instead of a soldier.Almost all you could here were gunshots firing,canons booming, and people screaming.
After a while the Union decided to get out of there.When the soldiers and picnickers were getting ready to go across the bridge we blew it up with a canon ball.They were going wild trying to find a way to the other side.Some of the soldiers and picnickers took a chance and jumped in the water.All of the men on our side were laughing our heads off watching the Union and the picnickers.Finally,the battle was over,but wait, we had to bury or do something with the dead soldiers from both sides and we also had to take the wounded soldiers to a hospital.

If you see any thing that you think needs to be changed please let me know.The last paragraph is what we did when the battle was over,but I don't know what to put.PLEASE HELP ME!

  • English -

    Put a space after every mark of punctuation: comma, then space; period, then space; etc.

    Double-check ALL spelling. Even with the use of a spell checker, there could be errors simply because the computer's dictionary doesn't recognize the difference between correctly spelled but misused words (such as "canon" and "cannon").

    What do you THINK happens after a battle? Everyone just picks up and goes home? Surely not. What are the immediate results of a battle? Those would be addressed first, wouldn't they?

    Be sure to repost when you have written what you think, even if it's in rough-draft form.

  • English -

    Well I was thinking about putting something about them going to their base camp and writing a letter home, or something like that, but I wuold add some more details of course.

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