Can This be read an let me know if have enough ideas/claims supported with enough examples? Did the essay presuade you to think a certain way? An does the organization/structure of the writing help the reader to identify the writer puporse?
Successs is the fullfilment of your life goals. Success is what everyone hopes to acheive in their life. At the end of my life i would like to reach success in my life. Success to me is having a good job, were i make good money and can provide for my family. Success to me isn;t having the most money or the nices car; but, living a full good life.
Ultimately, i acheive successn through competion. Competiton gives the drive to succeed. When i compete i don't have to depend on others. Also, in competition there is less conflict in indpenedent work. There will not be an uneven balance of initiative.
First, with competition you don't have to depend on others. In working alone, I'll receive the credit by myself. For example, the science fair project. When i did the science fair project i got the grade i earned and not the grade of someone else.
Second, there is less conflict in having independence. I work better alone. I don't have to spend time hearing everyone ideas. For example, in test/quizzes. In test/quiezzes you work alone and earn your own grade.
Last, there will not be an uneven initiative While working. With corperation everyone might not want to work and try to get a graade through everyone else. Having a ambition gives you the drive to succeed. For exmaplem extra credi.
The following is intended to be helpful..I am dissecting this essay to be helpful, not harmful.
I think after reading this the writer is trying to justify his/her inability to work with others.
The first paragraph is not revealing to me. The second paragraph reveals a need to best other people, that perhaps something is inherently inferior with other people.
The third paragraph reveals an inability to share group responsibility and rewards.
The fourth paragraph reflects the second: that other peoples ideas are inferior.
The last reveals to me a competitive drive that puts self interests first, and even perhaps a fear to work with others who do not share the same ambitions.
There are a number of typos and misspellings here. To me, the number of examples is sufficient. The organization could be better, for instance a thesis statement and a closing statement would help. I personally stumble on the pronouns I, my, you. I feel more comfortable in the third person, which emphasizes the idea more than the individual. It is OK to use the first and third, but ditch all instances of "you". It presumes too much of the reader, in my opinion.
In close, the essay persuades me to see a teen that is in conflict not being able to work well in groups, accepting group norms, goals, and group dynamics. I was that way when I was a teen, as best I can recall. However I came to understand that my way was not the only way, and my ideas were usually bereft of completeness, and finally, that my vision of my being was not the same as others saw me.
Thanks Alot..
Based on the essay you provided, it seems that the writer is discussing their perspective on success and how they believe competition plays a role in achieving it. They express their desire for success and define it as having a good job, making money, and providing for their family, while also emphasizing that success is not solely about material wealth.
In terms of the organization and structure of the writing, there are a few areas that could be improved. Firstly, it would benefit from a clear thesis statement at the beginning to clearly state the main point of the essay. Additionally, including a concluding paragraph would help wrap up the ideas presented and provide a sense of closure to the essay.
In terms of supporting claims with examples, the writer does provide a couple of examples. They mention the science fair project as an example of receiving individual credit and the role of independence in test/quizzes to earn individual grades. These examples help support the writer's overall argument about competition and individual achievement.
While the essay does express the writer's perspective on success and competition, it is worth noting that the language used at times portrays an inability or reluctance to work with others. The essay places emphasis on individual achievement and suggests that the writer prefers working alone due to conflicts and perceived inferiority of others' ideas. This may be a potential weakness in the argument, as it overlooks the potential benefits and value of collaboration and teamwork.
In terms of persuasion, the essay does present the writer's point of view and attempts to justify it, but it may not be as convincing to all readers. Some readers may find the emphasis on competition and individual achievement as potentially limiting or shortsighted, while others may resonate with the writer's perspective.
In conclusion, the essay could benefit from clearer organization and structure, a more balanced consideration of the benefits of collaboration, and a stronger focus on supportive evidence and examples.