Short response

Deadline tonight, please help!!!
Thanks! =)


Write about your academic interests and the personal or academic experiences that have led to or nurtured those interests. What did you enjoy learning about in high school, either through your classes, extracurricular or leisure activities? If you have any career aspirations at this point, explain how your interests match these aspirations.
I enjoy learning science in my high school years. I became interested in science when I began to take physics class few years ago. Even though that was a physics introduction course, I had learnt about many appearances which related to my daily life but I did not know before. I was eager to know more about physic and discover how the things around me work, then I self studied ahead my class; being awarded in a statewide physics competition later also increased my confidence in learning science, as well as prepare my AP physics study in senior year. The opportunity to listen a lively physics lecture in the ¡°Physics is Phun¡± program of the MU Physics Department also leads me even eager to pursue further knowledge in college. This year, I joined the Highlighting Engineering Program in the MU School Of Engineering, which fatherly introduced me what is engineering, and strengthen my determination to become an engineer in the future.


I have enjoyed studying science in my high school years. I became interested in science when I began to take physics class<~~delete "class" and add "a"~~> few years ago. Even though that was an introduction to physics course, I learned about many appearances<~~appearances??? which related to my daily life but I did not know before<~~delete "but I ... before". I was eager to know more about physicsand discover how the things around me work,<~~delete comma and insert semicolon (;) then I studied on my own and learned about things before the rest of my class did; being<~~change semicolon into a period; start a new sentence with "Being" awarded name the award you received here in a statewide physics competition later also increased my confidence in learning science, as well as prepared me for AP physics study in my senior year. The opportunity to listen to a lively physics lecture in the Physics is Phun program of the MU<~~"MU" means what?? Physics Department also makes me eager to pursue further knowledge in college. This year, I joined the Highlighting Engineering Program at the MU School Of Engineering, which fatherly<~~delete that word introduced me to what engineering is, and strengthened my determination to become an engineer in the future. Any particular type of engineer? There are MANY, MANY!!

1 addition in the [ brackets]

I have enjoyed studying science in my high school years. I became interested in science when I began to take physics class<~~delete "class" and add "a"~~> few years ago. Even though that was an introduction to physics course, I learned about many appearances<~~appearances???[aspects of the physical world] which related to my daily life but I did not know before<~~delete "but I ... before". I was eager to know more about physicsand discover how the things around me work,<~~delete comma and insert semicolon (;) then I studied on my own and learned about things before the rest of my class did; being<~~change semicolon into a period; start a new sentence with "Being" awarded name the award you received here in a statewide physics competition later also increased my confidence in learning science, as well as prepared me for AP physics study in my senior year. The opportunity to listen to a lively physics lecture in the Physics is Phun program of the MU<~~"MU" means what?? Physics Department also makes me eager to pursue further knowledge in college. This year, I joined the Highlighting Engineering Program at the MU School Of Engineering, which fatherly<~~delete that word introduced me to what engineering is, and strengthened my determination to become an engineer in the future. Any particular type of engineer? There are MANY, MANY!!


Good clarification by Ken. Did you get that, Rose?

??

I got it ,thank you.
But for the last sentence, I delete the whole? or just "introduced"?

Just delete the word "fatherly" -- the rest is fine.


After deleting "fatherly," be sure to notice the rephrasing in part of the rest of that last sentence:

... introduced me to what engineering is, and strengthened my determination to become an engineer in the future.

I have enjoyed learning science in my high school years. I became interested in science when I began to take physics a few years ago. Even though that was an introduction to physics, I learned many aspects of the physical world which related to my daily life. I was eager to know more about physics and discover how the things around me work; then I self studied on my own and learned about things before the rest of my class did. Being awarded in Statewide Physics Competition later also increased my confidence in learning science, as well as prepare me for AP physics study in my senior year. The opportunity to listen to a lively physics lecture in the ¡°Physics is Phun¡± program of the Miami University Physics Department also leads me eager to pursue further knowledge in college. This year, I joined the Highlighting Engineering Program in the Miami University School Of Engineering, which introduced me what is engineering, and strengthen my determination to become an engineer in the future.



Actually I did not decide what kind of engineer I am going to be, so ...

I have enjoyed learning science<~~grade-school phrasing; use "studying science" instead in my high school years. I became interested in science when I began to take physics a few years ago. Even though that was an introduction to physics, I learned many aspects of the physical world which related to my daily life. I was eager to know more about physics and discover how the things around me work; then I self studied on my own<~~this is incredibly repetitive; simply say "I studied on my own" and learned about things before the rest of my class did. Being awarded being awarded what? What award did you win? The phrasing needs to be "Being awarded first prize in the ____ competition (or something like that) in Statewide<~~what state? Physics Competition later also increased my confidence in learning science, as well as prepare me for AP physics study in my senior year. The opportunity to listen to a lively physics lecture in the ¡°Physics is Phun¡±<~~I don't know what's making those weird marks in your paper onscreen, but make sure they're not there in your final paper. program of the Miami University Physics Department also makes me eager to pursue further knowledge in college. This year, I joined the Highlighting Engineering Program in the Miami University School Of Engineering, which introduced me to what engineering is,<~~delete comma and strengthens my determination to become an engineer in the future.

Several of these corrections were indicated in my first response above. Please read carefully, even down to -s and -ed endings on words.

=)

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