Application Essay

Is it better now?
Is anyone can give me some suggestions other than grammar problem? For example, ideas, etc.
Of course...suggestions about grammar are also welcomed
Thank you so much!

I was glad that I had an opportunity to be an interpreter in a Howard County event. I feel lucky that I can speak two different languages ---- Chinese and English. Living in China for a long time made me familiar with Chinese culture. After studying in America for one year, eventually I am able to adapt to the new culture, too. Therefore, I can bring this advantage to Penn State, since schools now have become more and more multicultural. Many students from other countries may face hardship to adjust the new environment when they first come here, so I can be assistance to them, at the same time, I can spread the idea of globalization to the Penn State community, and make it not only a university, but also a world village.

some suggestions:

"I was glad...I feel lucky" <-- the two sentences don't agree tense-wise. maybe you should say that "I am glad" :)

"After studying in America for a year, I was able to assimilate to its culture as well."

"I feel that with my multicultural awareness, I would be an asset to Penn State, which like many other universities, seeks to diversify their community."

"I know first hand how difficult adapting to life in a different country can be, so I would be eager to assist my international peers transitioning to their new life at Penn State."

*hint: please double-check to make sure that "globalization" is the word that you are looking for.

please continue to revise. good luck! :)

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asked by Jenni

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