Application Essay

Is it better now?
Is anyone can give me some suggestions other than grammar problem? For example, ideas, etc.
Of course...suggestions about grammar are also welcomed
Thank you so much!

I was glad that I had an opportunity to be an interpreter in a Howard County event. I feel lucky that I can speak two different languages ---- Chinese and English. Living in China for a long time made me familiar with Chinese culture. After studying in America for one year, eventually I am able to adapt to the new culture, too. Therefore, I can bring this advantage to Penn State, since schools now have become more and more multicultural. Many students from other countries may face hardship to adjust the new environment when they first come here, so I can be assistance to them, at the same time, I can spread the idea of globalization to the Penn State community, and make it not only a university, but also a world village.

some suggestions:

"I was glad...I feel lucky" <-- the two sentences don't agree tense-wise. maybe you should say that "I am glad" :)

"After studying in America for a year, I was able to assimilate to its culture as well."

"I feel that with my multicultural awareness, I would be an asset to Penn State, which like many other universities, seeks to diversify their community."

"I know first hand how difficult adapting to life in a different country can be, so I would be eager to assist my international peers transitioning to their new life at Penn State."

*hint: please double-check to make sure that "globalization" is the word that you are looking for.

please continue to revise. good luck! :)

  1. 👍 0
  2. 👎 0
  3. 👁 128
asked by Jenni

Respond to this Question

First Name

Your Response

Similar Questions

  1. Writing comunication

    An effectively written sentence usually: a. starts with (it is )or (there are) to keep the beginnings similiar. b. includes passive construction that makes sentenced direct. c. ends with a direct object to provide readers with

    asked by Haydee on July 10, 2006
  2. English

    Hello. Please help me with the grammar problem. Is it necessary to use the preposition "to" in the following sentence: "May you get as much happiness as you give (to) other people." Thank you very much for help.

    asked by Nalmi on November 9, 2018
  3. english

    hi everybody.I am going to be a teacher tomorrow and my topic is travelling.Anyway my question is:i would like to give at the end of the class a prise to the group who has done the best in class.But what to give?any

    asked by bill on November 17, 2008
  4. english

    can somebody give me an example of a pronoun http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/pronouns1.htm Many examples are given here. =) thank you writeacher

    asked by eric on July 11, 2007
  5. english

    hi just wondering if someone could give me tips on dangling modifiers. Thanks Here are some websites with good explanations and examples: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/modifiers.htm

    asked by jessica on September 4, 2006
  6. English

    what is the preposition, conjunction, and artical of these sentances? 1. Stan enrolled in the driving course, and he looked forword to his first lesson. 2. He read a book of instructions or rules of the road. 3.Then, He practiced

    asked by Anita on September 6, 2006
  7. literacy

    can u plz give me 10 connectives and 10 sentences with them e.g:ALTHOUGH i love ice cream.i'm only allowed it once a week will u be done by tommorow? AND PLZ MAKE IT SNAPPY!!!!!!

    asked by anesa on October 18, 2006
  8. Statistics

    I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions on where I could find linear data sets to use for my statistics paper. I'm having a problem finding something that I can open or even view on my computer. I have a mac and would

    asked by Lisa on August 11, 2011
  9. Grammar and Composition

    can someone please help me by giving me suggestions for a topic,for my Descriptive Essay it can be about anything; that can be described please give me some suggestions. because i'm not sure what to write on, and i'm going to be

    asked by y912f on October 20, 2009
  10. WRITING

    Can you give me a example of a compound-complex sen. with two dependent clauses? http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/clauses.htm This webpage discusses various types of clauses and how they fit together into different kinds of

    asked by SANCA on May 14, 2007

More Similar Questions