Can you please prove read my new essay using the checklist.The last one you guys helped me with was wrong because I didn't follow the checklist well and please tell me what I am missing. Thank you.
(Quote)
"Be good and you will be lonesome”
Anecdote:
It was one oppressively hot afternoon in my grandma's farm; when my eyes caught a short girl that was close to the ground with curly, frizzy hair.
Heedlessly, she moved into my direction and I was dazzled with amazement when she lifted her small hand up, holding an alcohol beverage.
She sipped it quickly and gradually stepped forward to me, offering me to sip the alcohol beverage too.
However, remembering how my parents gave me a sensible lessons on good behavior; such as not whining, not doing drugs and abstaining from alcoholism, has forced me to use my common sense and I without any hesitation declined her proposal.
Thesis
At such young age, everyone is taught to be good and avoid being bad. Behaving good, will discipline person to make good choices in life that will benefit he/she in her life. It will also hinder the person from doing unnecessary behaviors.
The moral of the story is that there are some people that will try to mislead others with their actions. However, it is the person's own responsibility to speak out for themselves and stay true to their values and morals that their parents instilled in them from early age.
Alcohol and drugs are both harmful to the human beings body; they say both can make person’s heart raise faster, causes depression, anxiety and can interfere the way they think and move their body.
Furthermore, person has the ability to strive against such behaviors, even if their very own friends or colleagues influence them to attempt.
Although, striving against bad behaviors such, as drinking alcohol and doing drugs; is difficult if addiction rises. However, person can still refrain from those two, with patience and consistence.
Be well behaved and you will be righteous. Doing this, person’s mind gets used to refrain from bad behaviors and it nourishes their capacities to remember later.
Besides abstaining from doing drugs and drinking alcohol, there are also a lot of good behaviors a person can add their daily doings, such as going to churches every Sunday’s or going to Mosque to do daily rituals and following all its teachings.
There are reasons to why people tend to have bad behavior instead good behavior. For one, they are reluctant of their friends seeing them un-cool and drag themselves into situations that they dislike inside but willing to go forward. If they refuse or not go along with what their friends are doing, they will be out casted and stand alone, confused.
From a perspective, it is far better to go with the flow with your friends. Because, people want to be accepted by others, they want to be liked by others want others to be friends with them and be admirable in the eyes of others.
With this desire, that is concealed inside; they long to do whatever it might take them to be in the circle and not be off the cool circle.
(Essay checklist)
1.Does the first paragraph use an anecdote to illustrate the maxim? Is the anecdote a real or it's merely report?
2. Does 2nd paragraph analyze the anecdote, explaining how it illustrates the thesis, which is a paraphrase of the maxim? Is the maxim stated in paragraph 2 and explained?
3. Does paragraph 3 explain the thesis through an analogy? Is the analogy appropriate? Does the comparison warrant the thesis?
4. Does paragraph 4 summarize, give the essential details of a fictional narrative that illustrates the thesis and explains why it does?
5. Is paragraph 5 a "They say" paragraph that contradicts the thesis? Is the point of view explained fairly? Does the writer contradict it in the last sentence or two, with a reason or reference to the narrative her or she is using?
6. Is the last paragraph amplified? That is consist principally of paraphrase,both specific?
Sorry, I just lost all the grammatical errors in what you wrote and there were a lot. I never even got to the checklist. So I'll do it on a separate place and come back to try and cut and paste that.
Sra